Official Dallas Cowboys Thread (the others aren't; litigation pending)

case said:

ligeti said:

8:26 p.m. Have poured sulfuric acid in left ear. Trying to find 90 lb. free weights so I can drop them on both ankles. Wife must have moved them again.

Set hair on fire during walk home from train station.

Will poke out eyes shortly.

Weird!  I was just reviewing the crumbled wreckage of this Official thread (after a quick review of the crumbled wreckage of the Cowboys season) and I noticed that before there were threats to poke MY eyes out... there was a threat to poke his OWN eyes out.

How did I miss that?  

it doesn't work as well in that order

True, but I was allowing for the fact that Cowboys fans are not known for their intellect.  

There's NO WAY this thread is abandoned again, is there?

Hard to tell, since you've been keeping about 25 of these threads going with the same joke.

ridski said:

Hard to tell, since you've been keeping about 25 of these threads going with the same joke.

Hey - he still READS these, that's not a nice thing to call someone.

.

Cowboys are good - good 'n terrible

Jerry thinks they're fine

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/14458203/dallas-cowboys-owner-jerry-jones-plan-major-changes-heading-2016

I wonder how many other teams lost their starting QB and still managed to perform at a high level?  Hmmm... maybe we need a Special Report detailing that sometime soon.

Unfortunately, since the OP has seen fit to abandon this thread (if not his support of the Dallas Suckboys) I'll probably have to step in to fill the gap yet again.  I only hope I do a credible job... and avoid more childish threats of violence in the process.

case said:

I wonder how many other teams lost their starting QB and still managed to perform at a high level?  Hmmm... maybe we need a Special Report detailing that sometime soon.

Unfortunately, since the OP has seen fit to abandon this thread (if not his support of the Dallas Suckboys) I'll probably have to step in to fill the gap yet again.  I only hope I do a credible job... and avoid more childish threats of violence in the process.

Don't forget if you've got a good Cowboys meme to post it here.

And the other 20 Cowboys threads you post to, too.

Ridski... not sure who's requiring you to read this thread, but let me know and I'll speak to them and do my best to get you off the hook, OK?

Hey, if Ridski wants to keep the glory of the Cowboys alive... why not let him?

For someone who's complaining about too many Cowboys threads... this is an odd strategy to say the least.  However:

Ridski, you're more than welcome to post anywhere you like of course (even if you want to simply copy and paste four times) but since this is the Official Cowboys thread I'm going to keep this going myself.

True, doing so exposes me to the possibility of grievous physical harm - most of the threats I've received are public knowledge and I won't go into the other ones - but when America's Team needs help and support I'll be here.  I won't be like the so-called "fans", crawling off into the weeds to await a new season.  Shameful.

You're all weird

Point taken.

Now... in the final game of the regular season the last-place Cowboys face the first-place Redskins.  I'm hoping a few people have the Yummers for this game; I'm hoping that the 'Boys turn in a fantastic performance so that their fans either (a) have something to feel good about during the off season or (b) at least start admitting that yes, they root for the Cowboys.

I'm wondering if they'll announce any firings next week?

.

I am currently out of the office in Valley Ranch, TX. and will respond to your email when I return.

In the meantime, I have been authorized to release the Dallas Cowboys official 2016 schedule:

WIN, LOSS, LOSS WIN, LOSS Game

L
L
L
W
L
L
W
W
L
L
L
L
L
L
W
W

Dave, please ban Hoops and report back to me when completed. The season doesn't even start for 5 months! I want this to be a happy thread for me this year.

I suspect the happiest you'll be this year is... now.  Make the most of it before Jerry's Kids actually take the field!

Though who knows?  If some good players commit felonies and get released, Jerry could build up a heck of a new team this year!

ligeti said:

Dave, please ban Hoops and report back to me when completed. The season doesn't even start for 5 months! I want this to be a happy thread this year.

But you know, fair is fair: I suspect the Cowboys fans will be thrilled with the results of this season, when they shrug off their 4-12 performance of last year and dig down deep to attain their usual level of excellence... an 8 and 8 season.

case said:

But you know, fair is fair: I suspect the Cowboys fans will be thrilled with the results of this season, when they shrug off their 4-12 performance of last year and dig down deep to attain their usual level of excellence... an 8 and 8 season.

Fewer than last year.  Parole?  

Aaaah.... memories.

ligeti said:

Please note that the other Cowboy threads are not authorized by the team. For reasons I cannot go into, this one is. Let's just leave it at that.

Everyone is excited about our trip to New Orleans. Vote yes or no for the following:

1. Brandon Weeden is not a top tier quarterback, but 22 for 26 and 232 yards is pretty darn good for a backup's first start in a long time.

2. Matt Cassel is a real pro and he is picking up the Cowboy system quickly in case we need him on short notice.

3. Wait till Greg Hardy, Randy Gregory, Rolando McLain, Bryant and Romo are back on the field. We’ll incinerate everyone. Count on it.

4. That’s too bad about Orlando Scandrick!

5. There's a picture below of a Cowboy party I went to last year.

6. I have a picture of myself watching the Cowboys during week 2 against the Eagles which I will upload later.

7. Three games into the season, DeMarco Murray has 11 yards for the Eagles.

8. Joseph Randle has 203. My projection is a 1,000+ yard season.

9. Sure, the Patriots will probably beat us. Maybe the Packers, too. F#%& them, A-holes. Especially the serial ceaters Brady and Belichick.

10. I would buy a throw-back, old-style Cowboys cap with the blue star logo if they become available.

Everyone is so excited for me this season!

"Dallas Cowboys running back Darren McFadden suffered an elbow injury over Memorial Day weekend and is reportedly expected to miss around two months after undergoing surgery"...

...Cowboys running backs coach Gary Brown told reporters that McFadden fell on his elbow trying to keep from dropping his cell phone.

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2591425-darren-mcfadden-injury-updates-on-cowboys-rbs-recovery-from-elbow-surgery?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=programming-national

Elliot is taking reps with the first team!

Until he drops his cell phone   

As stated on the (better) thread, with Romo out for awhile the 'Boys could actually have a chance this year.  It'll be fun to watch.

time for tony( always hurt) romo to retire.

oots

I'm on hold with Kap right now!