I need a Catholic church

soorlady said:

@katiemcc - for someone walking in off the street it has everything to do with money. It could be a different story if you are a recognizable parishioner. Although they know there is a "goose egg" next to your name (and believe me, they do), they recognize you. Perhaps you have lent your time or talents to one of their efforts - that all counts too.

I'm am 100% certain that this is not true.
I think the difference is taking the time to register and commit to being a member of the parish. They're not taking attendance or counting up contributions to judge just how committed you are.

Iah-
Their music is the best I've heard having been to many churches in the area. I encourage you to go to a mass and see for yourself. I'd try the 5PM Saturday service.

I think some of it is at the discretion of the local parish, so Katiemcc's experience at OLS may be different from what others have experienced. I don't discount her positive experience, just ask that people's negative experiences with other parishes not be dismissed. In terms of baptism, I know some people seeking to be godparents who were able to obtain notes from their parishes with no difficulty while others felt they had to pass a test to get one. Obviously, the Catholic Church has the right to limit their sacraments as they see fit, but anecdotal information suggests that some aspects of the process are arbitrary.

BTW, IM80, I believe my efforts to honor my mother's wishes and have her interred in the family plot meet your definition of dignity. It is the archdiocese's intransigence on paperwork that requires me to "schlep" her around. Of course, I suppose I could ask the priest she knew when she was younger and more active and could attend services to write her a note, but that seems obscene given the charges to which he pleaded guilty.

afa, I'm a member of St. Joe's and in charge of getting our Open Arms Ministry (LGBT Catholics and their friends and family) back up and running. It was started by a previous music minister and has been dormant but is still on the books. The 9am Mass is the children's Mass during the school year. The new pastor is Fr. Jim. There is a new website too but I can't find it at the moment.

I'd be happy to talk about my experience there over the past 8 years.

Someone mentioned SHU, I believe there is a Sunday 10am Mass and then once school starts again 6 and 8PM (and maybe even 10pm) options.

Best of luck!

There are definitely some Catholic Churches that are less interested in what you donate, but I have no doubt that a lot of the overall policies of the church are directly related to tithing.

Someone pm'ed me about church choirs-- being able to participate in a choir would actually be an enormous draw for me. Can anyone speak to the choirs at either OLS or St. Joe's (and what it takes to be part of those)?

OLS has 3 choirs, all of which are now on summer hiatus (they start up again in September).

There's a children's choir, for which I don't think there's an audition, there's one adult choir that sings less-technically-challenging music and then there's a second adult choir that sings the most (for want of a better word) difficult music. I don't know how the audition process works for the adult choirs, but I'll check the website and see if there's an email for the music director and post it back here.

The children's choir sings at the 9:30 a.m. Sunday mass (the mass for children), and the adult choirs sing at the 9:30 a.m. or 11:00 a.m. mass on Sundays and for special services during the year. There's a combined choirs Christmas concert a week or two before Christmas each year, and they also sing at the Easter services and events of Holy Week. The 5:30 p.m. (Saturday) and 8:00 a.m./12:30 p.m. masses on Sunday are typically congregational singer, led by a cantor (most of whom are also part of the adult choir and who also sing solos occasionally during the year). Maybe someone who is a member can give you more specific info on the choirs and auditions.

I know rehearsals for the children's choir are on Thursday afternoons/early evening and I think the adult choirs also practice on Thursdays, later in the evening.

eta: His name is Glenn Devitt and his email is: olsmusician@gmail.com

eta, eta: This is from the parish website:
THE CHOIRS
Parish Choir
The Parish Choir is the principal liturgical choir at the Church of Our Lady of Sorrows for the Sunday, 11:00 AM Mass. An ensemble of 35 to 40 professional and volunteer musicians, the Choir sings approximately 50 services per year, between September and May. The Parish Choir sings music ranging from Gregorian chant to Renaissance polyphony to music of contemporary composers. This choir is open to adults and also to high school choristers. Rehearsals take place on Thursday evenings, from 7:30 – 9:30 PM in the Upper Church

Canticum Novum Singers
The Canticum Novum Singers is the principal liturgical choir at Our Lady of Sorrows for the Sunday, 9:30 AM Mass. An ensemble of 12 to 15 volunteer musicians, the Choir sings approximately 40 services per year from September to May and also combines with the Parish Choir for special liturgies and Holy Days. The Canticum Novum Singers’ repertoire is drawn principally from the contemporary sounds of today’s religious composers. This choir is open to adults and also to high school choristers. Rehearsals take place on Thursday evenings, from 6:30 – 7:30 PM in the Upper Church.

Saint Cecilia Singers
The Saint Cecilia Singers is Our Lady of Sorrows’ program for young singers (3rd through 8th grades). They meet on Thursday afternoon from 3:45 to 5:00 PM for musical instruction and rehearsal, and sing for Sunday Mass (9:30 AM or 11:00 AM) approximately three times a month. The Saint Cecilia Singers also participate in special liturgies and Holy Days.

Seem to have left the subject and got into dissapointing experiences. I have no problems with the church to share. I think the Seton Hall suggestion is a good one, also talking to people with a positive feeling of their faith. Some people have the idea we shoud get from the church with no need to contribute time and energy.

afa said:

TarheelsInNj said:

Is it common in the Catholic church that emphasis is placed on being part of the Parish? As opposed to the salvation side of it? I always assumed the latter is why Catholics feel strongly about it; that if you're a believer, you want the baby to participate in that sacrament whether the family ultimately attends church or not.

You'd think that would be the most important thing, right? That the baby is saved from eternal damnation regardless of whether the parents go to church (and, ahem,make donations) regularly...

You're not Catholic, are you?

This should come as a shock to no one, but 1) the Church does not teach that Baptism it a prerequisite to Salvation and 2) yes, the Parish Community is a big part of the experience. Catholicism is communal in that sense. No Parish I'm aware would be excited about performing a Baptism in a case where the parent candidly admitted that they were only doing it to satisfy a grandparent. Baptism involves a serious and conscious decision by the parents to present the child to the Church and a commitment to stay with it and help the child grow in the faith. I know it often doesn't happen like that, but from the perspective of the Church, that's what it's all about. They would not welcome people dipping in and out every few years to make the big Sacraments only to disappear again.

Afa, no one is required to make a contribution to the weekly collection to attend Church. There are no membership fees. The giving is completely discretionary and confidential. I think you know that.

Again, if it were me, and if I had no intention of raising the child in the Church, no one could persuade me to Baptize the baby.

I have friends who did not raise their children in a particular religion but left it to the children to decide for themselves when they were older.

mlj - and did they?

Personally I think children can decide when they're older, whether they're raised in religion or not. But from my experience, there were so many benefits to growing up in the church. Learning about and participating in service projects was particularly meaningful to me, plus the fellowship and relative "safe space" of church youth group was valuable. I remain a faithful person and attend church (though not as often as I'd like!!), which is fully my choice- but if I hadn't had the background I don't know that I would have found it as an adult. I've had many twists and turns in my faith journey as it is, and continue to do so as a questioning, curious adult.

Not criticizing anyone's parenting choices, of course. But I think there are many benefits, tangible and intangible, to a child having a connection to a faith community (if that's something the parents are open to, of course!!). I wouldn't view it as forcing one's religion on the child.

I didn't raise my children catholic but they knew my beliefs raised as a catholic. My oldest son married a catholic and I now have attended two grandchildren baptisms. The church service is still as beautiful as ever to my family. My sisters and I felt very comfortable and welcome there.

Dup

Just wanted to pop in again and thank everyone for the info on churches, choirs, etc. This thread and discussion has made me think a LOT about my relationship with the church and I've probably said some things that, while true in my own experiences, could definitely veer towards offensive to practicing Catholics, so I'm bowing out of the discussion now.

It was never my intention to be hurtful, and I do hope no one was too offended by anything I've said, most importantly the idea that I may not be taking the baptism seriously, since I am unsure if I would continue attending services after becoming a member for the baptism. I hope the fact that I'm struggling so much with how do this shows that I respect the sacrament and am just trying to do right by everyone (my mother; my daughter; myself; and the church).

Thanks again, all, for sharing your insight and experiences!

Faith, and practicing it, is hard. I am fairly open about my struggles to remain a practicing Catholic if you want someone to chat with. I am pretty sure whatever you say wouldn't offend me and I would even bet that on some things I would agree.

I do hope you can find something that works for you and your family.

soorlady said:

mlj - and did they?

That's what my parents did, and I did decide when I was older.

jayjayp said:

You might want to try Notre Dame of Mt Carmel in Cedar Knolls. I know its a bit of a schlep (15 miles away), but its run by the monks and the pastor is phenomenal. It might be just what you're looking for. Ask to speak with Fr. Jude.

Not really into reading this entire thread but Only in America can one "schlep" to a Catholic Church.

)

soorlady said:

mlj - and did they?

They did not. However, they (now adults with children) married Catholics and their children were baptized.

@afa, if anything you said in this thread "offended" anyone, I would place the blame on shaky foundations vs. your written words.

Sorry, I'm just offended by how easily people claim the "offended" label, especially in virtual, anonymous chit chat like message boards.

LOST said:

jayjayp said:

You might want to try Notre Dame of Mt Carmel in Cedar Knolls. I know its a bit of a schlep (15 miles away), but its run by the monks and the pastor is phenomenal. It might be just what you're looking for. Ask to speak with Fr. Jude.

Not really into reading this entire thread but Only in America can one "schlep" to a Catholic Church.

)

I was thinking the same thing. The word "schlep" was used twice in this thread. The other time it was referring to cremains.

Cremains is really a word? I just had to look that up. Sounds like such a crass portmanteau to describe what used to be a person, but I guess it's each to their own and you live and learn and a nod's as good as a wink and all that.

I think this was a very respectful and educational thread. I didn't see any cases of anyone getting really offended by anything anyone else said.

Regarding the original topic: We have friends in Verona who were in the same situation -- pressure from family members to baptize their baby, but no real desire to be active churchgoers. They ended up doing the baptism at Our Lady of the Lake, which is on Pleasant Valley Way just south of the intersection with Bloomfield Avenue. This was about 10 years ago, but I remember our friends talking about how "cool" the priest was -- so I don't think they got any major hassles about membership or future commitments or anything like that.

I just checked the church's website and it says that "Fr. Mike" is about to retire in September after being the "shepherd" of OLL for over 21 years... so if OP hasn't done the baptism yet and wants to check this out, time is of the essence...

ridski said:

Cremains is really a word? I just had to look that up. Sounds like such a crass portmanteau to describe what used to be a person, but I guess it's each to their own and you live and learn and a nod's as good as a wink and all that.

Was introduced to the word on this thread. I thought maybe it was a Catholic usage.

According to the Merriam Webster online dictionary, the first usage of the word 'cremains' was in 1947.

ridski said:

Cremains is really a word? I just had to look that up. Sounds like such a crass portmanteau to describe what used to be a person, but I guess it's each to their own and you live and learn and a nod's as good as a wink and all that.

Before the recent sudden death of our son, we thought in terms of "ashes" as the proper term. Other things we learnedNwas the term "inurnment" for cremains places in a niche …entombment when a body is place in a mausoleum …internment when placed in the ground. Incidentally, the question was raised somewhere in this thread about burying an urn with another body in the ground, or burying an urn in the ground (garden plots), I believe these are options. Every industry has its preferred language, but somehow, the funeral business is over the top in euphemisms.

Our son, who would have turned 50 last month, is not "lost" nor is he "gone" nor will we " get over it". The person you loved with all of your heart remains in your heart and mind always.

IM80 said:

ridski said:

Cremains is really a word? I just had to look that up. Sounds like such a crass portmanteau to describe what used to be a person, but I guess it's each to their own and you live and learn and a nod's as good as a wink and all that.

Before the recent sudden death of our son, we thought in terms of "ashes" as the proper term. Other things we learnedNwas the term "inurnment" for cremains places in a niche …entombment when a body is place in a mausoleum …internment when placed in the ground. Incidentally, the question was raised somewhere in this thread about burying an urn with another body in the ground, or burying an urn in the ground (garden plots), I believe these are options. Every industry has its preferred language, but somehow, the funeral business is over the top in euphemisms.

Our son, who would have turned 50 last month, is not "lost" nor is he "gone" nor will we " get over it". The person you loved with all of your heart remains in your heart and mind always.

I so agree with you regarding the euphemisms for death. I find them deeply annoying.

And don't get me started on "...after a courageous battle with ...."

IM80 said:

ridski said:

Cremains is really a word? I just had to look that up. Sounds like such a crass portmanteau to describe what used to be a person, but I guess it's each to their own and you live and learn and a nod's as good as a wink and all that.

Before the recent sudden death of our son, we thought in terms of "ashes" as the proper term. Other things we learnedNwas the term "inurnment" for cremains places in a niche …entombment when a body is place in a mausoleum …internment when placed in the ground. Incidentally, the question was raised somewhere in this thread about burying an urn with another body in the ground, or burying an urn in the ground (garden plots), I believe these are options. Every industry has its preferred language, but somehow, the funeral business is over the top in euphemisms.

Our son, who would have turned 50 last month, is not "lost" nor is he "gone" nor will we " get over it". The person you loved with all of your heart remains in your heart and mind always.

I agree, IM80. Not sure I could ever think my father or my oldest sister, who died last year, as "cremains", or of any of the other euphemisms you mention, but the funeral business caters to us in our darkest times and the good ones exist to soften the blows of our grief, so I'll forgive those who work within it of a little flowery language now and then.

I first heard the term "cremains" on TV about a year or so ago. I thought it was odd, but then, there are a lot of changes people make to names/terms that I feel are odd.

ridski said:

IM80 said:

ridski said:

Cremains is really a word? I just had to look that up. Sounds like such a crass portmanteau to describe what used to be a person, but I guess it's each to their own and you live and learn and a nod's as good as a wink and all that.

Before the recent sudden death of our son, we thought in terms of "ashes" as the proper term. Other things we learnedNwas the term "inurnment" for cremains places in a niche …entombment when a body is place in a mausoleum …internment when placed in the ground. Incidentally, the question was raised somewhere in this thread about burying an urn with another body in the ground, or burying an urn in the ground (garden plots), I believe these are options. Every industry has its preferred language, but somehow, the funeral business is over the top in euphemisms.

Our son, who would have turned 50 last month, is not "lost" nor is he "gone" nor will we " get over it". The person you loved with all of your heart remains in your heart and mind always.

I agree, IM80. Not sure I could ever think my father or my oldest sister, who died last year, as "cremains", or of any of the other euphemisms you mention, but the funeral business caters to us in our darkest times and the good ones exist to soften the blows of our grief, so I'll forgive those who work within it of a little flowery language now and then.

I agree with this. I should amend my comment to say that I'm annoyed by others who employ the flowery euphemisms to refer to death, but not so much the folks within the industry. It's expected of them and no doubt serves a purpose.

IM80, so sorry for your tragic loss.

I think it's interment (no 'n'). ter fom Latin for earth.