How Much/Little Do Say regarding your siblings treatment of your parents?

NizhoniGrrrl said:

These things are clearly affecting you very deeply. You have a lot of resentment and anger which is not unreasonable. You are a part of this dysfunctional family even if you consider yourself the sane/normal one. A therapist for yourself could be good for you and dealing with your own emotions about everything. After all the only behavior you can change is your own. You might be contributing to the dynamic in a way that you aren't aware of.  Also might be good to have a professional sounding board.

There's also a good book to check out: "The Normal One: Life with a Difficult or Damaged Sibling." As a "normal one" myself, I highly recommend.

Completely agree with this. I think the single most helpful action would be to learn and internalize an over-arching strategy for dealing with the dysfunction—instead of coming up with tactics piecemeal for each situation that arises. I know you have a general approach because you've talked about that. But every time you post about a situation, it's not anything that would be unexpected given the prior history. It's just another version of the same thing. If you did decide to see a therapist, developing—and internalizing, so it comes naturally—this over-arching strategy to avoid reinventing the wheel each time might be an attainable goal.

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I don't go on these threads too often because it seems OP is way over involved with dysfunctional family. I agree with the concept put forth here about need for clearer boundaries. I love my siblings. We live far apart. I try to speak once a week, but don't always. No one is insulted. I also agree with Shoshannah's advice about not shaming the nephew. Probably you could have encouraged him to get out there and help by telling him it would be a good idea without the scolding. OTH, being scolded by someone who obviously cares and is engaged in his life (as you are) is probably not the worst thing. Maybe he felt a good kind of guilt....like, oh yeah, that makes sense. I should go out there and help. After all, the kid has learned to withdraw, and that has become habituated. He can learn that being more actively involved with others has a different kind of reward from playing with electronics. Hope this is clear as mud. I think what I am saying is that on first take I agreed with Shoshannah, thinking it through, this particular incident was probably okay.