Caregiving Thread: Sources, Answers and Support

So sorry about your dad's passing ..I concur though with how little the institutions work to help the family understand the process of passing on .when I think of my parents passing it followed a pattern ..what shuts down first , next etc . Wish I knew then ..but it 's ok and done ..you're right about those little things that are so annoying .,food smells, constant talking ....and gardening sure soothes the soul to carry on ..seeding ,plants, water , weeding , growth ..harvests .

so sorry, @kmk, you have had a time of it! Hope the gardening helps, and the support of friends, family, and MOLers!

So sorry to read about your loss. Keep remembering the good times you had with him.

I am so sorry, kmk, and I winced with familiarity as I read some of your posts. I feel sometimes that you and I are on similar flight paths. For the past two days I have sat next to my father's bed while he has had no food and no hydration as it was his wish to die. He made his intentions known after midnight two nights ago having experienced dialysis and an emergency room visit in the same day. When my stepmother went home for an hour, my father spoke to two doctors and decided to throw in the towel.

However, today he was awake, social, lucid, and chatty from 5 a.m. to 7 p.m. He said, "I want this to stop," and while it was unclear initially whether he meant he wanted family members to stop arguing, or he wanted his life to stop, it was finally understood that he wanted hospice to stop. He wanted IV fluids, and most of all, he wanted a popsicle. Clearly he had a very good day, and felt the love.

God knows what tomorrow may bring. The hostile behavior exhibited by family members is both shocking and par for the course. An amazing experience on so many levels. And of course, a learning experience.

Again my condolences, kmk. This is such a heartbreaking part of life.

I am so sorry to hear the news from both kmk and lisat; it is so difficult for a daughter to lose her father. ><

So sorry for both and I've been there ..

Lisat - I'm pretty sure your dad can have his Popsicle and still stay on hospice for the comfort drugs, though I'm not sure about the IV. I would hope that he can have whatever he needs to FEEL good. Isn't that the point of hospice?

Lisat, kmk, Heartfelt blessings to both of you and your families.

Just found this as an ad in one of emails: Joanne had talked about blister packs of meds for her seniors or FIL, but I had never seen anything like that around here. Well, now it is! Have to convince my mother that we should do this!

https://www.pillpack.com/

There is a pharmacy, I believe in Fanwood that can blister pack.

The problem is the senior may be confused about if the entire blister pack was consumed or not on a particular day. If the person is far enough into confusion that a blister pack is needed, there may be a need for outside supervision of medication.

Pharmacists have a way of managing that, too.

There's lots of clever stuff out there to support folks who get confused about their meds. I attended a Network Breakfast this week where we learnt about a small closed-circuit TV that can work with your phone camera to enlarge the labels on medication so people with vision impairments can actually read the instructions and dosage.

My blind friend goes shopping with a small portable scanner that will read packets, transmitting to her phone which reads the info aloud to her via earpiece. Clever and independent, eh?

I'd typed a whole screed about our Webster packs, then went to grab a pic without posting what I wrote... Lost it. Here's a pic. Think you'll see it's different and works a bit more efficiently, with less chance of confusion.

Research shows people don't take them all at once even with lowered cognition. If anything they're more likely to miss a dose but even that is a bit rare unless very sick. When an ambulance comes, just grab the sheet and take it with.

Daily dosage etc are on back of blister. Infrequent meds are often in a separate container with clear instructions.

@lisat - Sometimes people under hospice care can rally and have many more good days or weeks or longer. The comfort care, if started early enough, can extend and improve their life at the end. By all means, give him that Popsicle!

Also keep in mind that close to the end people often experience a burst of energy or irritation. This is often interpreted as a turn towards recovery. Or even agitation and the presence of people in the room.

jersey jack, I believe you are thinking of Tiffany Drugs (a compounding Pharmacy) on South Avenue near the Westfield/Scotch Plains line. They are great--- it would probably be worthwhile to call first.

thank you everyone for your kind words, and the advice.

Hang in there, Lisat

I am here today to "sign off".  I started this thread asking questions and looking for answers so that I could better care for my MIL.  My dear, sweet, beautiful Mother in Law, Barbara, died peacefully yesterday afternoon.  My own father died suddenly just a few months ago and I am still at bit stunned by all the changes at hand.

I am filled with joy at many thoughts, saddened by some and humored to find cremation urns on Amazon.com.  I feel I know too much about probate and estates and storage rooms but I suppose that is life... and death. 

Thank you all for all of your support over the years.

My deepest sympathy for the loss of your mother-in-law, kmk.  I am sorry she is gone, but I am positive your love and caring brought her much happiness in life. I hope your memories of her bring you peace and, eventually, smiles.

kmk, so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law, my deepest sympathies to you and your family. Keep the the memories of her alive in your heart. My mom is 95, and I dread the day that I know will eventually come. And thank you for this very helpful thread.

I'm sorry to read the news, both for the personal losses your family has (such huge gaping holes!), and also for the sudden disruption and massive changes in your lives. But also there's a sense of peace and calm, because you loved and cared so well and deeply, so completely, that all that could ever be done to help your father or Barbara feel comfortable had been done. 

Despite the battles of will and challenges of chronic illness, you were patient, loving and kind. May memories of happier times replace those of more recent, harder times. May their deep love for you and your family be reflected in peace and blessings now and in days and weeks to come. 

Sending hugs from the other side of the globe.

I am so sorry to hear this, KMK. I understand the pain of the losses you have suffered and wish you the best in coping and finding comfort.

It's all part of life.  We must endure. Sympathies to you kmk at this difficult time.

Hoping family and friends can comfort you in the time ahead! your gift of this thread, in your MIL's honor, is sustaining many of us. May her memory be a blessing.

Thank you all.  You are very kind.  Your support has been my lifeline.

Prayers and PVs for you and your family kmk!