Banned List

casey said:

oneofthegirls said:

Why do I dislike "With all due respect" ? To my ears it sounds so condescending. I would much prefer "I hear you but I differ." Is that what you are trying to say? I just want a bless my heart or thanks for letting me know. I don't feel that with all due respect. I still feel like an outsider.

In the northeast, "with all due respect" is the equivalent to "bless your heart" in the south. It's a nice way of calling someone an idiot.

Not in my world, unless they are carrying like jersey boy suggests. With all due respect automatically shuts me out from their world.
Bless your heart is inclusive. I like it. How can I hear those words with all due respect and not hear I am an outsider?

You may think "bless your heart" is inclusive, but that's not usually the speaker's intent. In the south it's generally know that the person is telling you ...
http://www.countryoutfitter.com/style/southern-insults/

You misunderstand me. It is not in the speaker's intent but it is in what I hear. Bless your heart softens me and makes me a better listener. I therefore include the speaker. I become the inclusive one.

oneofthegirls said:

You misunderstand me. It is not in the speaker's intent but it is in what I hear. Bless your heart softens me and makes me a better listener. I therefore include the speaker. I become the inclusive one.

Bless your heart @oneofthegirls, but you should have started that post with -- "With all due respect you misunderstand me."

ctrzaska said:

author said:

Well to tell the truth, I miss Strawberry. If ever anyone could start a food fight on a perfectly calm summer afternoon it was Straw. And he could create new identities at the drop of a hat.

Colorado............color red............Strawberry. He was like a character from Batman.

The irony in this post is simply killing me.

I knew this day would come. I'm Batman.

oneofthegirls said:

You misunderstand me. It is not in the speaker's intent but it is in what I hear. Bless your heart softens me and makes me a better listener. I therefore include the speaker. I become the inclusive one.

You're a better person than me. Even if it's done politely, I'm not inclined to react positively to being condescendingly called an idiot.

It was recently pointed out to me that "I'm just sayin' " can usually be replaced with "dumbass." Try it for yourself:

ml1 said:

"You calling me an idiot?"

"No, I'm just sayin'..."

seaweed said:

oneofthegirls said:

You misunderstand me. It is not in the speaker's intent but it is in what I hear. Bless your heart softens me and makes me a better listener. I therefore include the speaker. I become the inclusive one.

Bless your heart @oneofthegirls, but you should have started that post with -- "With all due respect you misunderstand me."

Never - bless his heart.

casey said:

oneofthegirls said:

You misunderstand me. It is not in the speaker's intent but it is in what I hear. Bless your heart softens me and makes me a better listener. I therefore include the speaker. I become the inclusive one.

You're a better person than me. Even if it's done politely, I'm not inclined to react positively to being condescendingly called an idiot.

Well I can. It's a detachment process that brings the third party into the conversation and I know I am not an idiot and I AM blessed. Big smile on my face and no problem with a difference of opinion. )

When I hear "With all due respect" I imagine you otherwise think highly of me other than the criticism that will follow. When a criticism of me is stated followed by Bless her heart" I imagine the criticism of me to be included in how you think highly of me. It is personally how I live. I don't like exclusion. I like warts and all. So now you know this about me and you still love me anyway. And bless your heart for giving me this gift. And I bless you through any differences we may encounter.

hankzona said:

marylago said:

I can never figure out the alternate usernames. When someone posts that "so-and-so" is now "so-and-so," I'm, like, doh!

I used to be buffalojoe...or did I used to be Soul29? Cant remember now.

Oh Hank, does anyone else remember Buffalojoe, or is it just you and me?

BTW, Drew will be in high school next year.
:O

casey said:

In the northeast, "with all due respect" is the equivalent to "bless your heart" in the south. It's a nice way of calling someone an idiot.

That has never been my impression and I've lived in both places.

Sac, I don't get "with all due respect."

Anyone who uses "bless your heart" knows that the phrase is widely received as "eff you."

I always hear "With all due respect" as "I respectfully disagree." But "Bless your heart" has always sounded to me like more of an endearment. Sometimes with a little bit of condescension, but in a very mild way and not always. Sometimes it just sounds like my grandmother about to hand me a cookie when I was a little girl or something like that.

Wow! j r and I posted at the same time with entirely different interpretations. Maybe it is a regional thing because I never had any such negative vibes from hearing "Bless your heart".

Cookie-bearing grandmothers excluded, of course! (To me, "with all due respect" is one of those filler figures of speech that mean the opposite of what is said, not unlike "to be perfectly honest." If the speaker were being respectful or honest it would go without saying.)

More "soft" insults here:
http://www.countryoutfitter.com/style/southern-insults/

UrbanDictionary provides similarly unreliable yet entertaining interpretations:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bless+your+heart

jr, maybe it is because I have never heard it personally said to me. My southern friends tell me when I add it to the end of a thought about others, it is healing. And it is. I don't think I've ever actually said it face to face yet when talking of others, I have used it and it softens the blow of what I am saying to the listener. I may be frustrated, I may be upset yet I still feel a very strong affection for this person.

I definitly have no pleasant memories of "with all due respect." Nope. Not an ounce of affection in that statement for me.

j_r said:

Cookie-bearing grandmothers excluded, of course! (To me, "with all due respect" is one of those filler figures of speech that mean the opposite of what is said, not unlike "to be perfectly honest." If the speaker is being respectful or honest it would go without saying.)

More "soft" insults here:
http://www.countryoutfitter.com/style/southern-insults/

yup.

sac said:

Wow! j r and I posted at the same time with entirely different interpretations. Maybe it is a regional thing because I never had any such negative vibes from hearing "Bless your heart".

Me neither!

j_r said:

Anyone who uses "bless your heart" knows that the phrase is widely received as "eff you."

Not true! It is a criticism but certainly not an "eff you."

Maybe I should rephrase. Anyone who uses "bless your heart" should know that the phrase is widely received as "eff you." (See links above.)

Having lived in both places as well --

"With all due respect . . ." signals that you are about to say something very disrespectful to the other person using a civil tone of voice. If a lawyer says this when addressing a judge. . . .hold your breath. It's like saying "I'm now going to tell you how you're being a moron here."

"Bless her heart" or "God love her" is a passive-aggressive coda to an insulting statement about another person used in an effort to show that although you just trashed somebody, you're a good Christian who would never trash talk another person. Although you just did. I'm just sayin', is all.

j_r said:

Maybe I should rephrase. Anyone who uses "bless your heart" should know that the phrase is widely received as "eff you." (See links above.)

Honestly, I don't think I've EVER said it. But I've sure had it said to me and I can promise you that wasn't what was meant on those occasions.

jr, Uffda. Now you are nit picking. Even an "eff you" doesn't always mean that. I just won't go there. I know it. Receive it as such and know I am upset with you. Hopefully you are upset with me as well and we can back off and find common ground. And maybe I should rephrase. When I hear "bless your heart" in gossip, I get the frustration of the speaker without condemnation.

BaseballMom said:

Having lived in both places as well --

"With all due respect . . ." signals that you are about to say something very disrespectful to the other person using a civil tone of voice. If a lawyer says this when addressing a judge. . . .hold your breath. It's like saying "I'm now going to tell you how you're being a moron here."

"Bless her heart" or "God love her" is a passive-aggressive coda to an insulting statement about another person used in an effort to show that although you just trashed somebody, you're a good Christian who would never trash talk another person. Although you just did. I'm just sayin', is all.

Yes!!!

See, it's all regional, because that's how you use those phrases in the USA. Over here, we don't use them quite so code-like. 'With all due respect' is superior/passive-aggressive for 'geez you're a drongo', but 'bless your heart' can be meant sincerely, or super-sweetly with a slight bite...I suspect we're more likely to mutter 'Gd love him/his cotton socks [because noone else will]'.
:-D

mrincredible said:

I think if I ever found myself losing control enough on maple it online to get banned, I should probably move on completely. Meaning it's time to leave the whole thing behind.

I agree complete. Same considerations apply to MaplewoodOnline, too.

RobB said:

marylago said:

ctrzaska said:

author said:

Well to tell the truth, I miss Strawberry. If ever anyone could start a food fight on a perfectly calm summer afternoon it was Straw. And he could create new identities at the drop of a hat.

Colorado............color red............Strawberry. He was like a character from Batman.

The irony in this post is simply killing me.

Really? I am always the last to know..................

What is....that suppose...d to mean....?

Clearly it means.... Mary is the lead singer for................ Del Amitri.

tjohn said:

mrincredible said:

I think if I ever found myself losing control enough on maple it online to get banned, I should probably move on completely. Meaning it's time to leave the whole thing behind.

I agree complete. Same considerations apply to MaplewoodOnline, too.

Gah this phone does the weirdest things on the forum. Then I hit "submit" without proofing.