Baltimore Mom: Mother of the Year or Abusive?
ctrzaska said:
drummerboy said:
huh.
My understanding is that Mom was cracking down not on his behavior so much as the fact that his behavior might get him killed by a cop.
Not according to her comments. She made one comment about Freddie Gray but every interview she gave had absolutely no reference to her fear of him getting killed by a cop, unless one wants to start connecting circular dots to make it a story about fearing police retribution, which it assuredly isn't.
no. she said she didn't want him to be another Freddie Gray. Every interview you saw just left that part out. Because it doesn't fit the narrative.
“That’s my only son, and at the end of the day, I don’t want him to be a Freddie Gray.” … On Tuesday, she told CBS News, “there are some days that I shield him in the house just so he won’t go outside. I know I can’t do that for the rest of my life. He’s 16 years old, you know, he’s into the streets.”
That would be the one interview I mentioned. The others all centered around how this wasn't how she raised him, how she wanted better for him, and how her no-tolerance approach stemmed from that.
"At that point, I just lost it," said Graham. "I was shocked, I was angry, because you never want to see your child out there doing that."
No, you don't. No parent does. Not black or white, rich or poor. And she got him out of there.
Furthermore...
(CNN)The Baltimore mother who slapped her son several times and pulled him out of a protest told CNN on Wednesday she wasn't concerned that she might be embarrassing her son.
"Not at all," Toya Graham told CNN's "Anderson Cooper 360˚" in an interview that aired Wednesday night. "He was embarrassing himself by wearing that mask and that hoodie and doing what he was doing."
"I did (get emotional). You know, once he threw that rock down I said, 'You weren't brought up like this,' " Graham said.
He had a brick in his hand, and that set her off.
"I was so angry with him that he had made a decision to do some harm to the police officers," she said.
"As long as I have breath in my body I will always try to do right by Michael and show him what's going on out in society doesn't have to be you," she told CNN.
joanne said:
They have strangers with cameras in their phones, sending footage of every interaction around the world on all kinds of 'viral' media.
A few months ago, I was walking back from a lunch break when a major fight broke out between some girls on a corner. They were surrounded by 50-60 kids all yelling, laughing, and recording it on their phones. It was horrific, but what really killed me was the guy in the suit also standing there with his girlfriend, both laughing as he was also recording children pummeling each other. Heaven forbid you use the phone to actually call for help - it's funnier to post to your Facebook page for some likes: "JUST LIKE A DAY AT MY OFFICE LOL!"
Some people just don't get it.
That mom did the best she could. I don't think it's anything to celebrate or vilify. It's a messed up situation and we saw a glimpse of honest fear and desperation.
ctrzaska said:
Furthermore...
(CNN)The Baltimore mother who slapped her son several times and pulled him out of a protest told CNN on Wednesday she wasn't concerned that she might be embarrassing her son.
"Not at all," Toya Graham told CNN's "Anderson Cooper 360˚" in an interview that aired Wednesday night. "He was embarrassing himself by wearing that mask and that hoodie and doing what he was doing."
"I did (get emotional). You know, once he threw that rock down I said, 'You weren't brought up like this,' " Graham said.
He had a brick in his hand, and that set her off.
"I was so angry with him that he had made a decision to do some harm to the police officers," she said.
"As long as I have breath in my body I will always try to do right by Michael and show him what's going on out in society doesn't have to be you," she told CNN.
All of that is filler. The fact is that she was afraid her son might get killed due to his behavior. But it's convenient for some of us to just ignore that. Just like it's more convenient to worry about the destruction of property more than an apparent cold-blooded murder by officers paid to keep the peace and protect us.
In this sense, Toya Graham is lauded because she's "preventing" her son from growing up to be another Black man who will simply have to be killed by policemen. As if his death is a foregone conclusion that can only be avoided by smacking him in the head and guiding him away from danger- today. Little attention is paid to the fact that no amount of supervision from Ms Graham will prevent a "frightened" cop from re-imagining her 16 year old as a threat tomorrow as he walks to or from school, the store, the playground, her home, his job- anywhere. No amount of head smacking will protect him from that, because the reality is that her son (and Ms Graham is painfully aware of this) will not be seen as a child or a misguided sixteen year old in need of an adult's compassionate and decisive correction. Her son won't get that chance. Her son will be seen as a criminal and he will be dealt with as if he is a grown man with criminal or murderous intent.
No parent wants their child to think that throwing rocks at policemen, or anyone for that matter, is permissible- ever. Toya Graham feels this way but she's also aware that in her city and her country Black people, particularly young Black men are killed for far less. The folks propelling her temporary stardom seem to ignore this part of her story.
I felt horrible watching her jump and swing at her son because I know her exercise is wasted effort. She can't smack him and protect him every day for the rest of his life. She can't possibly get between him and all of things that will seek to do him in as he moves into adulthood and I hurt for her because she knows this and she's afraid of losing him and failing him. So, she hits him out of frustration.
I agree that the mom acted out of her fear for her son, as well as her anger. She is certainly to be commended for dragging him out of harm's way, and her overreaction and "losing it" in her words, are very understandable. However, what bothers me is the glorification of her violent smack-down, as the best possible response deserving of Mother of the Year. Also, there were more than two options here, between nothing and repeated smacks across the face. If she weren't in such an understandably enraged panic, she could have tried yelling to get his attention and dragging him away first, which he might well have responded to, before escalating. She did the best she could in a horrible situation, but that doesn't make her beat-down heroic. What is very admirable is her immediate response of dragging her son out of harms way and quelling his potential assaultive behavior, but not the overkill she used to accomplish it, which is now being held up as a model of how to raise your kids by many people; but may well result in more copycat violent behavior by them towards their family and others.
flimbro said:
If you don't actually listen to Toya Graham and simply watch her in action you can spin her story any way you like. For most of America and all of mainstream media she plays perfectly into a narrative that casts young African Americans as criminals and yes, "thugs". This narrative requires the adherent to believe that the root of the problem lies in the home with the parents or a pathologically dysfunctional family unit. This narrative suggests that all would be well if Black parents would only control their children (and by extension their men). This narrative absolves this society and in this instance the actual thugs- the police, of any responsibility and focuses attention on the people who are being killed instead of the people doing the killing.
In this sense, Toya Graham is lauded because she's "preventing" her son from growing up to be another Black man who will simply have to be killed by policemen. As if his death is a foregone conclusion that can only be avoided by smacking him in the head and guiding him away from danger- today. Little attention is paid to the fact that no amount of supervision from Ms Graham will prevent a "frightened" cop from re-imagining her 16 year old as a threat tomorrow as he walks to or from school, the store, the playground, her home, his job- anywhere. No amount of head smacking will protect him from that, because the reality is that her son (and Ms Graham is painfully aware of this) will not be seen as a child or a misguided sixteen year old in need of an adult's compassionate and decisive correction. Her son won't get that chance. Her son will be seen as a criminal and he will be dealt with as if he is a grown man with criminal or murderous intent.
No parent wants their child to think that throwing rocks at policemen, or anyone for that matter, is permissible- ever. Toya Graham feels this way but she's also aware that in her city and her country Black people, particularly young Black men are killed for far less. The folks propelling her temporary stardom seem to ignore this part of her story.
I felt horrible watching her jump and swing at her son because I know her exercise is wasted effort. She can't smack him and protect him every day for the rest of his life. She can't possibly get between him and all of things that will seek to do him in as he moves into adulthood and I hurt for her because she knows this and she's afraid of losing him and failing him. So, she hits him out of frustration.
So well said! Thank you!
jersey_boy said:
Look. This is trashy parenting. Good parenting is: your kid never shows up at a riot dressed with a black ninja suit in the first place.
I know this is an area with amazingly tough economic and social problems where there are a multitude of challenges for everyone living there: parents and adolescents who are trying to figure out what the "Right Thing To Do" is.
The fact that the teen wanted to go to a riot with all his friends to "represent" those that had been unlawfully killed by officers of the law is issue number one. This is not the same environment that most people commenting lived through adolescence in.
After that, everything else is up for grabs.
Have you ever been a teenager? Do you have teenager? I remember I once was a teenager. I was a good kid, and yet I still did things I knew I was not supposed to do. I still broke curfews and went places I was told not to go, due to peer pressure. I was lucky that I did not have to deal with similar events as these. My point is that teenagers will not always listen to their parents. That is a fact. Even the best kids will sometimes do things they are not supposed to do. That will happen regardless of how great the parents are and how well raised the kid was, or how nice the town/neighborhood was where he was raised. You only need to turn on the news to read about well to do kids doing stupid things. It is part of growing up. If not just look at the lovely events that take place, by well to do kids, to celebrate sports teams winning or losing. Most of those kids are middle class. They know better, or they should. I am sure their parents would have done the same if they had the chance to catch them doing damage.
Wow, trashy parenting? That's pretty extreme jersey_boy.
Hmm, an african-american man was arrested and charged for whipping his daughter after she was caught twerking online and we all know what happened to Adrian Peterson (NFL player for the Minnesota Vikings) for whipping his son ...
I wonder how America would've reacted if that was his FATHER instead of his mother ...?
jersey_boy said:
Look. This is trashy parenting. Good parenting is: your kid never shows up at a riot dressed with a black ninja suit in the first place.
Parents don't have complete control over their kids. And teenagers do dumb things sometimes.
What is this?
https://www.facebook.com/movie2kblogspot/videos/822143497867410/
I thank God for the way I was raised.
I had parents that never hit me and a community that loved me.
I have no idea what these poor children are suffering through growing up in this environment. I have no words.
And here in our very own country. I have tears in my eyes. We need help.
I just have to add: flimbro hit the nail on the head. Well put, flimbro, truly.
flimbro said:
If you don't actually listen to Toya Graham and simply watch her in action you can spin her story any way you like. For most of America and all of mainstream media she plays perfectly into a narrative that casts young African Americans as criminals and yes, "thugs". This narrative requires the adherent to believe that the root of the problem lies in the home with the parents or a pathologically dysfunctional family unit. This narrative suggests that all would be well if Black parents would only control their children (and by extension their men). This narrative absolves this society and in this instance the actual thugs- the police, of any responsibility and focuses attention on the people who are being killed instead of the people doing the killing.
In this sense, Toya Graham is lauded because she's "preventing" her son from growing up to be another Black man who will simply have to be killed by policemen. As if his death is a foregone conclusion that can only be avoided by smacking him in the head and guiding him away from danger- today. Little attention is paid to th fact that no amount of supervision from Ms Graham will prevent a "frightened" cop from re-imagining her 16 year old as a threat tomorrow as he walks to or from school, the store, the playground, her home, his job- anywhere. No amount of head smacking will protect him from that, because the reality is that her son (and Ms Graham is painfully aware of this) will not be seen as a child or a misguided sixteen year old in need of an adult's compassionate and decisive correction. Her son won't get that chance. Her son will be seen as a criminal and he will be dealt with as if he is a grown man with criminal or murderous intent.
No parent wants their child to think that throwing rocks at policemen, or anyone for that matter, is permissible- ever. Toya Graham feels this way but she's also aware that in her city and her country Black people, particularly young Black men are killed for far less. The folks propelling her temporary stardom seem to ignore this part of her story.
I felt horrible watching her jump and swing at her son because I know her exercise is wasted effort. She can't smack him and protect him every day for the rest of his life. She can't possibly get between him and all of things that will seek to do him in as he moves into adulthood and I hurt for her because she knows this and she's afraid of losing him and failing him. So, she hits him out of frustration.
This is bigger than parental control. This community needs help.
Project37: and yet there are laws about filming people without their consent, and filming minors without parental consent, and distributing/sharing these images - but somehow, no-one seems to question the ethicality of any of that within the context of 'modern social mores' and 'modern news gathering'.
Why is it OK for any of this to go unchallenged?
When I think of my community, it was mostly Jewish with some Italian. A lot of wasp German and some Puerto Rican and Irish. These cultures intermingled always respectfully. I am not understanding what is happening in Baltimore. All over the world different cultures intermingle and accept each other and take joy in cultural differences without a show of violence. Is this not happening In Baltimore? Even Newark shows a wonderful diversity. Chicago, Seattle, Philadelphia, New York. What is missing in Baltimore?
It's not just Baltimore, and it's not just the USA and it's not just now.
Well, I guess we just do what we can. For me it starts with my grandson. I will never hit him. I am certain I choose my words with how I communicate with he and his friends. I certainly do not take it personally when he has had a bad day and chooses me to be a part of what I would normally think of his day like drying or hanging out his own laundry. Of course I will help him. And if I what do helps him to be nicer to others, it starts to be nicer on the grand scheme of things.
Yeah well, life sucks and we try to make it better. 
Hee-hee.
I just got a thank you for hanging his clothes on the line. He left happy so my hope is he pays it forward.
I just wish our govt and authorities remembered they're public servants and thought like that.
They have strangers with cameras in their phones, sending footage of every interaction around the world on all kinds of 'viral' media.