what if you found out your husband used prostitutes? archived

I would immediately ask a friend to remove all knives and sharp objects from our home so I don't do something that might land me in jail for a really long time....

:smoking:good answer TigerLilly, good answer.

Not a bad question, but I am a big believer that what people think they would do in a situation doesn't always mesh with what they actually do when that situation arises.

go to the dentist and have my incisors sharpened.

Posted By: on2betterthingsSo, if you found out that your husband was using prostitutes for a while, like five or six years, what would you do?

With or without the wife's consent? Gotta be clear!

play with the Monster?

Bragger..lol

I would be so perplexed, honestly. I used to be big on the "men and women aren't THAT different" line, but lately I realize the battle of the sexes is real. No but seriously, men do a lot of things that I can't really relate to.

I guess I would pay for sex under certain very complicated circumstances, but I'd be more likely to pay for someone to talk to --which is kind of what therapy is, and it's totally legal.

without the wife's consent or knowledge and using a credit card that gets paid out of joint funds to cover the charges

lara -- I just read your post again and I'm not questioning whether it's legal. Actually I think it probably should be legalized. I am wondering: is this better than an affair? worse? does it make a difference in the marriage if the wife doesn't know about it?

i don't believe i'll ever find myself in this situation, but...

i'd steam on it for awhile, snoop around and collect evidence, and then confront him (hopefully constructively, but no guarantees on that). what i'd do next would depend entirely upon him. we've been through a lot in our marriage already and have weathered some very tough storms, so i'd like to think that we could survive something like that too. it wouldn't be easy, but if he were honest with why he was doing it and wanted recommit to our marriage, i think it would be surmountable.

i do think it is a shame these days the way marriage has become so disposable. spouses screw up, sometimes big time. that is why our marriage vows are "for better or worse" and "good times and bad." it is easy to love someone when they do the right thing, but unconditional love is about loving someone even when they do the wrong thing.

nice post mommyrock..

Buh bye!!!!

thanks... hope my husband doesn't see it though! wouldn't want him thinking there's a free pass out there. :wink:

He would not be the man I know and love.
He would be a stranger - I mean a complete stranger to me.
I did not sign up to be married to a stranger or someone with a second secret life....
The kids and I would be gone, gone, gone ASAP.

kmk--took the words out of my mouth. I would never be able to "work" through something like that. Hubby and I have been through many ups and downs after 14 years of marriage; working through good times and bad. He is a wonderful man; and I love him to death; but that I think I might go Lorena Bobbit on him.

Demand that he be tested for every STD in the book, get tested myself, then divorce him and take him for everything he's got. End of story. That is something that's unforgivable in my book, right up there with affairs, phone sex (with other people) and child molester-ism (I cannot for the LIFE of me come up with that particular word!!!!)

heehee..Lorena Bobbit..

this thread is gonna be fun to read..

Well, I agree with posters who say "see ya" but then I think, what if it was due to mental illness? People work through affairs, and I think that's worse in a way. I am not for a second excusing this or any other type of extra-marital sex, and I expect it's a position I will never have to be in, but what IF your husband is a sexaholic? If he was an alcoholic would you leave him, or would you support him? If he was depressed? I think a lot has to depend on the psychology.




(Of course I'd have to kill him, but that's another story!)

I couldn't deal with it; period. If he was a sexaholic he should have never married me.

Posted By: Sparty OnThat is something that's unforgivable in my book,

What Sparty said.

Posted By: Sparty Onmolester-ism (I cannot for the LIFE of me come up with that particular word!!!!

Molestation?

If it happened ONCE, there MIGHT be shadow of a fraction of a chance we could talk. But, if it were like Spitzer's case, where it went on for years with the same person and he had spent $80,000 of OUR money--that'd be the end!

Posted By: Scarlet

If he was a sexaholic he should have never married me.

Hahahaha! NOW you tell him!?

Posted By: on2betterthingslara -- I just read your post again and I'm not questioning whether it's legal. Actually I think it probably should be legalized. I am wondering: is this better than an affair? worse? does it make a difference in the marriage if the wife doesn't know about it?

There are probably women who would say it's better than an affair, becuase there's at least an effort to limit the emotional effect on the marriage.

I think in the case of Spitzer, he probably thought..."I cannot get caught in an affair, because I'm in politics and look what happened to Bill"...people twist facts a lot when they're trying to rationalize doing what they want to do.

so i'm curious, for all those who would leave their husband's without any further conversation... is it because it was a sexual transgression? i know i'd be tremendously more pissed if my husband were having an affair that were primarily or even entirely emotional in nature.

here's a situation... let's say you're a man and your wife has been embezzling money from her employer for the last ten years to the tune of over a million dollars. the money all went to supporting her extended family (adult siblings, etc.) who should have been supporting themselves. along the way, unbeknownst to you, she also drained most of your savings for the same thing. she's now been caught by her employer and full restitution is being demanded. this means liquidating EVERYTHING (house, 401ks, furniture) and becoming destitute.

do you leave this wife? she's been lying for years, living a second life, going behind your back, etc. or do you try and work through it with her, recognizing she's done something horrible but that there may have been some underlying causes that can be worked through?

sounds like.....goodtimes! ©

Mommyrock, sorry but I don't see any comparison to the situation above and an INTIMATE, SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP with another woman--a relationship that should be reserved for husband and wife ONLY. I also find it hard to believe that, in case like Spitzer's, where he had been seeing this one specific woman, there could be NO EMOTIONAL INVOLVEMENT.

Yes you leave the wife....secrets have no place in a marriage.

Posted By: kmk....secrets have no place in a marriage.

I agree but don't tell my wife!

Posted By: mommyrocki'd steam on it for awhile, snoop around and collect evidence, and then confront him (hopefully constructively, but no guarantees on that). what i'd do next would depend entirely upon him. we've been through a lot in our marriage already and have weathered some very tough storms, so i'd like to think that we could survive something like that too. it wouldn't be easy, but if he were honest with why he was doing it and wanted recommit to our marriage, i think it would be surmountable.

You took the words right out of my mouth. Commitment in a marriage can be on many levels...and ultimately should be about making it through anything whatsoever...sickness, death, extramarital affairs, money issues, whatever. People don't just visit prostitutes (or do whatever other horrible things to their partner) for no reason...there is something wrong to make them do it (could be personal or marital). Cheating (and other similar behaviors) is a symptom of a much bigger underlying problem.