Should this irritate me?

Due to the death of my father last week, my life is in a bit of turmoil right now so I am not sure of my reactions. Please let me know if I should be offended or not by this interchange with a woman in Texas.

My mom has been told to get a realtor to write a letter stating her house's fair market value. I ask mom is she knows anyone. Yes - she does. It is a woman who lives in the neighborhood who has been in Real Estate business for years. Mom asks me to call her.

I call the Realtor. She answers and after the obligatory condolences she says, "Well your family is always needing something from my family." WTF? She goes on to say that 27 years ago my little brother had asked her husband for a letter of recommendation for his job and ......... her husband never received a thank you note from my brother. (She went on and on with the details and how she raised her children and how my mother should have stood over him and seen to it that that note got written, how her husband did not notice but SHE did, etc.)

I said that I was sorry that had happened and perhaps it would be too much for our family to ask for more. Then she perked right up and stated she would be happy to help "this time" if we agreed to call her if and when my mother decides to move. I flattered her, got her to talk, smoothed the obviously ruffled feathers but still.

The whole exchange was truly awful!!! Do people really think that by bringing up a past grievance life will go more smoothly going forward? It may be a cultural thing but it sucks if you are not prepared for the thinly veiled condescensions. Help me to understand - and understand that my brother was simply being a clueless dude who has likely never written a thank you note in his life.

If she is still peeved about the lack of a thank you note from 27 fricking years ago I'd say you are probably better off getting the market value letter from someone else, even if it means paying for it.

I nominate this as Thread of the Week

So sorry for your loss. This woman's behavior would be obnoxious even if it were not the week after your father died.

Clearly she has issues if she is still holding a grudge after 27 years over a thank you note.

I hope you deal with more sympathetic and helpful people in the future.

You are better off paying for an appraisal by a licensed appraiser. This will help you at tax time. I do not know what certification is required for out of state appraisers.

Twice in almost 30years = 'always' i.e. 'You're always badgering us!' ???? Some serious grudge-bearing there. Definitely go somewhere else.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and so admiring of your grace. That woman was dreadfully out of line -- and needlessly cruel. But you handled her with great aplomb. I hope you find a fair and ethical Realtor very soon.

beppolina said:
I'm so sorry for your loss, and so admiring of your grace. That woman was dreadfully out of line -- and needlessly cruel. But you handled her with great aplomb. I hope you find a fair and ethical Realtor very soon.

I am so sorry, kmk. Completely agree with beppolina---you, the bereaved, were kind and gracious. Find someone else---life is too short to suffer fools gladly.

My condolences on your loss. I agree with above poster who suggested hiring a licensed appraiser to value the property. "A neighbor in real estate" may not have the knowledge or skill to give an accurate enough valuation for your purposes.

Sorry for your loss. And what everyone else said.

ctrzaska said:
Sorry for your loss. And what everyone else said.

Ditto.

And i am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find comfort in people who are not quite so selfish and rude as that realtor.

KMK so very sorry for your loss.

On the realtor, could I perhaps grab her number?? I'll give her a call for ya ;-)

I am so sorry for your loss. Although it was a long time ago, when my father died I was in such pain, and so shell shocked I remember being equally unsure of my reactions. There were a few people who behaved horribly but I gave them "passes" and only realized much later how awful they were. That persons behavior was so out of line I have no words. My suggestion would be to have nothing to do with her. Most realtors or real estate officeswould be happy to help for free with no obligation.

But if you do get an appraisal from her, for heaven's sake, be sure to send a thank you note or a fruit basket or something.

Or her address so we can send a thank you note.

mammabear said:
KMK so very sorry for your loss.


On the realtor, could I perhaps grab her number?? I'll give her a call for ya

Kmk, I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, but I have to agreewith others here, You should dump her and find someone else, how totally rude, and childish she was in your conversation with her!

Sorry about your Dad.

The woman is a jerkoff, and I admire your decorum and restraint. Get away from her and stay gone. You extracted yourself with kindness, which is more than she deserves.

If she had a problem with it, a simple, "no, I can't help" would have sufficed. What a horse'sass.

I love the word "decorum".

My sympathy on your dad's passing, kmk. It's hard, I understand. I think this woman's comments were way out of line, too. To give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she was uncomfortable and just blurted out whatever was in her mind. Or maybe she's just a pain all the time.

I'd probably try to find someone else and tell her I was sorry to have bothered her. Maybe she'll get the message, probably she won't, but I'd prefer to deal with someone else in your position.

I'm so sorry for your loss, kmk.

And yes, what everyone has said: she was completely out of line, acted like a real jerk at the worst time. As oneofthegirls' mom would say, though, "Uch, give it no thought." (or something to that effect)

May his memory be a blessing to you, and may you find some relief in the love of family members and (real) friends and neighbors.

My impression is that this realtor has a sad, small life if she is worried about thank you notes not written 27 years ago.

mjc said:
I'm so sorry for your loss, kmk.
And yes, what everyone has said: she was completely out of line, acted like a real jerk at the worst time. As oneofthegirls' mom would say, though, "Uch, give it no thought." (or something to that effect)
May his memory be a blessing to you, and may you find some relief in the love of family members and (real) friends and neighbors.

"Uch, pay no attention."

Having benefit of living so far away, I'd really love to appoint Mammabear to handle this, together with PeggyC's timely reminder to send a 'sorry to have disturbed you/thanks for the etiquette reminder' note today before you forget...

Thank you all. I am going to let little Ms. Negativity go ahead and write her letter and call it a day.

She made mention of keeping 5 rescue dogs. I think I will write her a thank you note and include 5 dog bones as a belated gift from my little brother ;-)

Brava!!!

kmk said:
Thank you all. I am going to let little Ms. Negativity go ahead and write her letter and call it a day.
She made mention of keeping 5 rescue dogs. I think I will write her a thank you note and include 5 dog bones as a belated gift from my little brother

Hah! Excellent. You go, girl!

Why is this letter needed? Did I miss something?

My condolences on the loss of your father.

My advice is, don't send a thank you letter. That's stooping to her petty level. I know it would feel great, especially after such an untoward attack right after your father's death, but you don't want to be "that person." Just move on and get a professional appraisal done.

kmk said:
Thank you all. I am going to let little Ms. Negativity go ahead and write her letter and call it a day.
She made mention of keeping 5 rescue dogs. I think I will write her a thank you note and include 5 dog bones as a belated gift from my little brother

An excellent response.

tjohn said:
My impression is that this realtor has a sad, small life if she is worried about thank you notes not written 27 years ago.

True but we are not responsible for the sad, small lives of others unless we created that life for them. I'm assuming @kmk did not. No letter. No contact. Oh, and I vote to sic @mammabear on her too!