Revisiting divorce mediation

Pam

I made a huge mistake! I just wanted to get out of a horrible relationship. I went through a mediator. Unfortunately now I wished I had asked for some money. Our son who lives with me is at school. Can I revisit and ask for some alimony?


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conandrob240

probably not unless you’ve had a significant change in your financial situation


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Michael

Really not enough information, but conandrob is probably right.  If either spouse has a significant change, then there might be cause to go to court  -- but that can be an expensive process.  Perhaps the original mediator can help?




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conandrob240

we went through this recently and it was a no. Wife had never worked, overestimated her earning power and turned down alimony. Wife is incapable of holding down a job past 2 years due to mental illness and still it was a no because nothing had “changed” since divorce. I think if she had held a well-paying job and lost it recently or was newly diagnosed, it may have gone in her favor. 


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LOST
Pamsp said:
I made a huge mistake! I just wanted to get out of a horrible relationship. I went through a mediator. Unfortunately now I wished I had asked for some money. Our son who lives with me is at school. Can I revisit and ask for some alimony?

 Are you saying that you reached a Property Settlement Agreement and then went to Court for a Divorce and the Agreement was "incorporated" into the Final Judgment of Divorce?

"Alimony" has nothing to do with your son. You should be entitled to child support.

You may want to consult a very experienced Divorce lawyer. 


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blianderson

It boggles my mind that a father wouldn't do everything in his power to make certain his children are provided for.


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Eliz
blianderson said:
It boggles my mind that a father wouldn't do everything in his power to make certain his children are provided for.

I thought the same thing but read the “refused/declined alimony”. The CS is not in question. 


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Tom
blianderson said:
It boggles my mind that a father wouldn't do everything in his power to make certain his children are provided for.

 It goes both ways. There are mothers who do that, too. I had to take my ex-wife to court for child support, and she resisted, too. I did eventually get it.


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conandrob240

She said ALIMONY not child support. Child support can be revisited regularly based on incomes, child’s current needs, etc.


Alimony needs to be determined and fought for as one of the terms of divorce. You can’t usually change your mind and seek it years later unless there is some dramatic change to your income or other extenuating circumstance.


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brealer

son is "in school." Maybe she means college. Maybe child support is winding down.


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Michael

As I said, we do not have enough information.   I am sure it would take a very long post to give one side and then we still need the other side but based on OP, we have pretty much nothing to go on.  



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conandrob240

we have the basic info we need. She settled her divorce some time ago and did not secure alimony. She is now regretting that decision (likely because with a child in college, she is facing child support ending).


You cannot go back and re-negotiate to get alimony unless there is some extreme, unforeseen dramatic change in circumstance.


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jmitw

My neighbor just told me that child support can continue until age 26 if the child is in college.  do you get child support?  may  be that can be amended if you are paying a lot toward the child's expenses


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Michael

It is just a guess that the kid  might be in college.  There could be a host of other factors and yes we can all guess and give some suggestions but unless the OP posts again, we will never know.  

Any decent mediator would not wait for one party to ask for money -- the mediator is supposed to help guide the couple towards a fair agreement.   



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conandrob240

the mediation is complete. The divorce is final. The kid has nothing to do with alimony. You generally can’t go back and seek alimony after divorce is done. Child support is different and, assuming already in place, can be re-visited regularly.


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sportsnut

Here is a good article.  My settlement arrangement has "anti-Lepis" language in it.  It is pretty onerous and hopefully I will be able to fulfill my obligation without difficulty (but at great cost).

https://njfamilylaw.foxrothschild.com/2011/03/articles/alimony/what-is-an-antilepis-clause-and-can-it-be-modified/

It more than bothers me that a lot of "men" don't honor their child support obligations.  Since the day I left my home I have never been a day late in making support payments prior to the divorce (against my attorney's advice) nor have I been a day late in making Alimony and CS payments since my divorce was final.  They are my children, I should support them.


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