Please don't wish me a happy Mother's Day
I thought about this just today when a stranger (with a child) wished me a happy Mother's Day. Though I am a mother, my kids were not with me, and I was thinking about how what was a nicety to me might have been so painful to someone else.
Agreed. I have no pain at not being a mother but I think it's weird to wish people happy Mother's Day simply because they are female.
I only say "Happy Mother's Day" to people (friends) who I know to be mothers and to my Mother-in-law. (My own mom passed away five years ago.)
I say "Happy Mother's Day" to my male friends... you know, as a joke.
I say those of us who fall in the other category, celebrate Happy Un-Mother's Day the other 364 days of the year with a nice glass of Veuve Clicquot.
It's presumptuous and emblematic of the over-commercialization and over-hyping of "holidays." If I were you, I'd calmly reply, "I'm not a mother and it's painful to be reminded of that."
And, considering that 'Mother's Day' (& 'Father's Day') are purely commercial inventions (as compared with National Holidays & religious observations), I find it difficult to take them seriously.
My wife and I deal with this every Mother's and Father's Day. We're not parents. A lot of people aren't. Why on earth would you default to a big smiling Happy Whatever's Day upon meeting us the first time?
It's well meaning but ultimately insensitive.
tomcat said:
And, considering that 'Mother's Day' (& 'Father's Day') are purely commercial inventions (as compared with National Holidays & religious observations), I find it difficult to take them seriously.
Actually, Mother's Day wasn't started as a commercial thing although it has certainly been taken over by them and become the "queen" of the Hallmark Holidays now. (Google "Origins of Mother's Day for more info.)
This - below
I always had cats so I was their "mother". As simeone who became a mother through adoption, I completely understand where you're coming from.
Sometimes it's a bittersweet day.
conandrob240 said:
Agreed. I have no pain at not being a mother but I think it's weird to wish people happy Mother's Day simply because they are female.
IMHO, it's part of the same mindset in which people you don't know insist on wishing you a "Merry Christmas," even if they don't know if you observe it. These are people who don't seem to be able to grasp the concept that what is important to them, and reflects their experience may not be important or reflect the experience of everyone else. For all they know, the person they're wishing a "Happy Mothers' Day" may have had a miscarriage last month. Or lost their mom a few weeks ago. It's a really clueless thing to do.
Somewhat related, it also irks me when people automatically address me as "Mrs.".
I understand being irked about the presumptuousness of a MD greeting when you are not a mom. I don't feel the same way about Merry Christmas. I'm not a Christian but I take no offense at the greeting and I return it freely. I don't think its presumptuous the way HMD is. It's an expression of good will. Someone hoping that you are "merry" on a national holiday is not like being told to accept JC as your lord and savior. That would make me uncomfortable.
I agree with the opinion that people shouldn't wish someone a holiday unless they know it applies to them. I personally would like a National Curmudgeon Day. Here are some holidays that are on for May 12, today, that one might choose from. Any takers?
National Nutty Fudge Day
Fintastic Friday: giving sharks a voice
International Awareness Day
International Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Awareness Day
International Nurses Day
Limerick Day
Military Spouse Appreciation Day
National Fibromyalgia Day
National Public Gardens Day
Odometer Day
When I used to work in Washington Heights and was single, the clients (adult ESL students) were always shocked that I was not married and had no children. Many would wish me Happy Mother's Day. I think people have a hard time thinking beyond their own cultural beliefs and customs. And, even though I am not crazy about Mother's Day, I try to accept the person's intent of kindness even though the thinking is not deep.
Harriet said:
My apologies, I need to to vent and put this on MOL rather than explode at a well-meaning stranger.
I love my Mom and I always honor her on Mother's Day (and every other day). What I do not understand is why total strangers need to wish me "Happy Mother's Day". It has already happened 3 times this week. I am not their mom, in fact I'm not anyone's mom.
I do my best to stay calm, I know they only mean to be kind, but I sometimes I want to shout "I am not a Mother" - Perhaps I should take the humorous approach and hand out copies of the children's book "Are you my mother?"
Am I the only one who knows people who stay home on that Sunday because being wished a "Happy Mother's Day" reminds them of the child they will never have?
Rant over.
To me days like Mother's Day are all about family connections. Whether in this case you are a mother or the child of a mother, it is the connection that you are celebrating. I can understand how a childless person can feel depressed on Mother's Day. Those of us who no longer have the ability to celebrate with our mother due to death or geographic separation also feel a sense of loss on this occasion. I would suggest accepting the good wishes in the spirit in which they are entitled and finding something fun to do with friends or family this Sunday. You don't have to be a mother or with your mother to enjoy the day.
You, curmudgeon, you.
I'm amazed that you'd take umbrage at someone pleasantly wishing you a Happy Mothers Day. My own Mum passed in March and this will be my first without her, but, never mind that. Instead of saying Happy Mothers Day, these folks might shoot you in the head or call you some kind of racist name. They might smash into your car, spit on your Manolos or steal your wallet. Or just walk by grumpily.
(The Merry Christmas thing is a bit different. I'm a Jew and I'm not comfortable with the assumption that everyone is Christian or everyone celebrates Christmas.)
So, when someone says Happy Mothers Day, smile, say thank you and say to yourself, "wasn't that sweet; a stranger wishing me well."
So, you aren't okay with the assumption that every person is a Christian but you are okay with the sexist assumption that every woman is a mother? The former may make you frustrated and annoyed at the assumption. The latter may make you frustrated and annoyed at the assumption plus cause a childless woman great pain.
I've only noticed this in the last few years. Or maybe it's an NJ thing? Italian influence? Never happened to me anywhere else.
It doesn't arouse any particular feelings in me other than awkwardness while I stand there with my mouth open wondering if I should tell a well-meaning stranger that I don't have kids. If it happens to me again, I think I will say something since it should be discouraged. It could be very painful to the wrong person at the wrong time.
sac said:
tomcat said:
And, considering that 'Mother's Day' (& 'Father's Day') are purely commercial inventions (as compared with National Holidays & religious observations), I find it difficult to take them seriously.
Actually, Mother's Day wasn't started as a commercial thing although it has certainly been taken over by them and become the "queen" of the Hallmark Holidays now. (Google "Origins of Mother's Day for more info.)
I stand somewhat corrected. However, the commercial aspect has taken over, and the true origin is long lost. From that perspective, it is still an 'event' that I do not hold in high regard.
Having grown up in a retail nursery, MD was of course a major source of income - even if we personally did nothing to celebrate it.
conandrob240 said:
So, you aren't okay with the assumption that every person is a Christian but you are okay with the sexist assumption that every woman is a mother? The former may make you frustrated and annoyed at the assumption. The latter may make you frustrated and annoyed at the assumption plus cause a childless woman great pain.
"Great pain?" Happy Mothers Day? You're joking, right?
for a woman who has tried to get pregnant and cannot, yes GREAT pain.
The_Soulful_Mr_T said:
You, curmudgeon, you.
I'm amazed that you'd take umbrage at someone pleasantly wishing you a Happy Mothers Day. My own Mum passed in March and this will be my first without her, but, never mind that. Instead of saying Happy Mothers Day, these folks might shoot you in the head or call you some kind of racist name. They might smash into your car, spit on your Manolos or steal your wallet. Or just walk by grumpily.
(The Merry Christmas thing is a bit different. I'm a Jew and I'm not comfortable with the assumption that everyone is Christian or everyone celebrates Christmas.)
So, when someone says Happy Mothers Day, smile, say thank you and say to yourself, "wasn't that sweet; a stranger wishing me well."
Your response makes it seem like you didn't even read her post. The assumptions being made by strangers with "Merry Christmas" are similar to the types of assumptions being made by strangers saying "Happy Mother's Day".
Specifically, random strangers wishing me a merry religious holiday, or a 'blessed day', or 'happy Mother's Day' seem to be either making an assumption about me, or pushing their perspective onto me.
This feels like the verbal equivalent of someone who has no concept of personal space and stands too close -- it's socially awkward, but the person who keeps standing too close seems totally oblivious to that awkwardness.
I am surprised by his discussion. I did not know that there are people who say "Happy Mother's Day" to someone without knowing that person to actually be a mother. I would never think of doing that.
sprout said:Your response makes it seem like you didn't even read her post. The assumptions being made by strangers with "Merry Christmas" are similar to the types of assumptions being made by strangers saying "Happy Mother's Day".
Specifically, random strangers wishing me a merry religious holiday, or a 'blessed day', or 'happy Mother's Day' seem to be either making an assumption about me, or pushing their perspective onto me. This feels like the verbal equivalent of someone who has no concept of personal space and stands too close -- it's socially awkward, but the person who keeps standing too close seems totally oblivious to that awkwardness.
I agree. But for those who don't,
Good Shabbos to you all.
conandrob240 said:
for a woman who has tried to get pregnant and cannot, yes GREAT pain.
Also can be very painful for someone who has recently lost a child or mother.
I don't see how a glancing warmly intended greeting can be characterized as "pushing" one's perspective on you or is akin to an invasion of personal space. How can we live in the same world with this kind of defensiveness. Strangers cone to my door and ring my bell to pitch causes, religions, home improvement projects. Sometimes I hide (Jehova's Witnesses). Sometimes I say no thanks. Sometimes I talk. No big deal though.
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My apologies, I need to to vent and put this on MOL rather than explode at a well-meaning stranger.
I love my Mom and I always honor her on Mother's Day (and every other day). What I do not understand is why total strangers need to wish me "Happy Mother's Day". It has already happened 3 times this week. I am not their mom, in fact I'm not anyone's mom.
I do my best to stay calm, I know they only mean to be kind, but I sometimes I want to shout "I am not a Mother" - Perhaps I should take the humorous approach and hand out copies of the children's book "Are you my mother?"
Am I the only one who knows people who stay home on that Sunday because being wished a "Happy Mother's Day" reminds them of the child they will never have?
Rant over.