Need help wording polite gift request on bday invitation archived

pdg

May 20, 2009 at 7:09am

I'm stumped and am hoping for the creative assistance of the talented MOL community!

First of all, I know the proper etiquette rule says not to mention gifts at all on the bday invitation, so I realize we are already out on a limb etiquette-wise. However, my daughter and another girl in her class have decided to share a bday party and invite their entire class of 26. We are hoping to cut the number of gifts brought to the party in half, if that is possible to do politely.

The goal is to have each invited guest bring one gift that only says who it is from; the parents will then divide the gifts evenly among the two girls without regard for who the giver was. (and if it's an uneven number, my daughter will be the one "shorted" bc frankly she can't take proper care of the things she already owns!)

When I put "Please bring only one gift" on the draft invite for the other family to review, the other mom called me and told me she didn't understand what I meant by that. I reminded her of our gift decision, but she said the confusion for her was whether the gift giver would have to choose one girl to give a present to - she didn't see how we could expect that to work. She never buys a generic gift and always buys specifically for the person, so the concept of giving a gift and not knowing who would end up with it was completely foreign to her. (Me, I always buy several of whatever I think the kids that age will like and wrap them in advance so we grab a gift, slap on a card and go to the next party - to each his own!)

If only it were a party for a boy and a girl, we could say "Please bring only one, gender-neutral gift." which I think conveys the ultimate idea well without getting too wordy.

The closest alternative I come up with is to say "Please help us keep thing simple and bring only one gift; we will divide them between the girls." But to me that starts to sound crass and greedy, like pirates dividing the booty or something.

SO, in the interest of preventing confusion to the invited guests and still convey our desire to prevent excessive numbers of presents, I would love to hear some creative and polite requests to convey this idea on an invitation.

TIA! :bigsmile:

mschweber

May 20, 2009 at 7:25am Edited

Slightly different but perhaps a variation could work for you so I throw it out even though it is not your original question-

For three years now (2 years in nursery school and this year in kindergarten) we asked a parent we were close with if they would arrange a group gift. That parent contacted the other parents in the class and those parents who wanted to (some did not) chipped in for a group gift.

As a result rather than a lot of little random gifts to clutter the house my daughter got one bigger gift that she really wanted. Each year we used most of the pooled money to buy the gift but used part to make a donation to a charity.

bgs

May 20, 2009 at 7:30am

I am thinking that unless you write out exactly what you explained to us and the reasoning behind the idea that people are going to be confused. It is also putting an extra burden on the parents who might do the buying because I, too, like to buy something that I think an individual will like.
If you and the other parent were having two separate parties the attendees would be bringing a gift to each party...just sayin'.
bgs

kmk

May 20, 2009 at 7:34am

I would say "No gifts please" and you will just get half as many as a result!:wink:
(Nobody ever follows instructions...)

TigerLilly

May 20, 2009 at 7:45am Edited

Maybe something like:

"The birthday girls request that if you would like to bring a gift, that you bring only one; no need to bring a gift for both girls - just something that either girl would appreciate. They chose to have a party together to share the celebration with everyone - they'll share in turn with each other by dividing any gifts received."

shh

May 20, 2009 at 7:59am

I think this is a difficult thing to convey on an invitation.

In the past for a few years we had one big party for my girls. There were certain friends who were only friends with one of the kids, and in that case I might mention to the parent to only bring one gift (if they asked) or to only bring one gift for the girls to share. Obviously this doesn't work in your case.

To me the idea that the gifts get divvied up randomly is tricky. We were invited to a party once for three friends, and on the invitation said "please bring a present only for XXX". Since we were only friends with one of the kids that's what we did. If my kids were friends with the other birthday kids we probably would have just brought gifts for all.

I almost think you are better off doing it on a kid by kids basis, and when asked, discuss it more in detail. Do most of the friends overlap? How many kids are invited?

Browneyes

May 20, 2009 at 10:14am

I know why and what you are trying to do but to make it less stressful on all just leave out the gift part.

pdg

May 20, 2009 at 10:17am Edited

Thanks all, but TigerLily, I love what you wrote! We just may use that word for word!

(24 kids will be invited; we're not sure yet how many will rsvp yes, so headcount is unclear, but the potential for 24 gifts coming into my house makes me ill!)

TigerLilly

May 20, 2009 at 10:32am

Great!

I'm not a religious person, but God Bless ya for inviting 24 kids! :wink: Should be fun though, and I think it's nice the girls are doing this together.

critterlover

May 21, 2009 at 7:14pm

I would enclose a detailed explanation, written on a separate piece of paper, taped or stapled to the back of the invitation.
I agree, it is weird trying to explain your idea but it is a worthy concept. My nephew did something similar for his birthday. He asked for food items to be donated to the local food pantry for those in need. He had a couple of brown bags set open at the door and kids dropped their can of corn into the bag as they entered the house. It was neat!
I encourage you to type out a brief discussion of your idea to share, conserve, limit money being spent, limit number of toys ... all that is a really good idea!
maybe include the quote from winnie the pooh: some line about life being better when it is shared.
anyone have it framed in a kids room, etc? for the exact wording.
or use any phrase that underlines your concept.