Earliest appearance I saw online was from 2003, attributed to a 17-year-old McDonald’s applicant.
“Target for middle management hostility” is funnier from a 75-year-old.
Burleigh Heads is a southern suburb of the Gold Coast, famed for the surf beaches (and the terrific Surf Livesaving Club opposite the lawn bowls club)
Bunnings is like your Lowes’.
Math Tutoring with Certified Teacher
May 7, 2024 at 7:16pm
On call house cleaning service
May 6, 2024 at 7:17pm
May 6, 2024 at 10:11am
Experienced Summer Nanny Available: Thursdays & Fridays ;)
May 6, 2024 at 8:56am
Brazilian cleaning 973 776 2481
May 5, 2024 at 7:35pm
May 5, 2024 at 11:14am
May 4, 2024 at 1:08pm
CF583 PT Nanny for 2 (July Start)
May 7, 2024 at 2:07pm
May 7, 2024 at 7:32am
May 3, 2024 at 2:32pm
I can't vouch for the authenticity of this.
It's quite likely that it has been re-purposed to suit an Australian audience.
(Bunnings is an Australian hardware store which, seemingly, stocks everything a handyman, builder or tradesperson might need to do the job. Burleigh Heads is a town in Queensland.)
This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to Bunnings in Burleigh Heads. They hired him because he was so funny….
NAME:
Adam Landon Jones (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITON:
Company’s
Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying in the first place – would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
$150,000 a year plus share options and a good redundancy package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITON HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30 – 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here’?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 20kg.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITON?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader’s Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job – no! On my breaks – yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big tits and who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
12 Kilometres
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes. Absolutely