IVF Advice

I will be starting IVF for the first time at RMA.  I'm hopeful and yet scared, sad and angry that I've been dealt the infertility card.  

I'm just curious for those who have been through this before if you have any tips and/or coping strategies?  For instance, did the hormones make you go crazy?  Were you able to still exercise during your cycle?  Were the shots as bad as I'm envisioning them to be?  RMA also offers laser acupuncture which I'm strongly considering but it's an added expense.  Any thoughts on using this?  

I'd also love to hear any success stories where IVF worked for you or if you built your family in a different way.  

Thank you for any advice or stories! 

PM'd you

Hi,  

I've had success through RMA! Sending you a message to talk more. 

My family is an RMA success story.  I will say  the pain and angst of infertility are the faintest of memories to me today. I hope you feel the same some day!  I went to RMA just as the founding docs left St. B's and started their own practice.  

My biggest advice is one step at a time.  Don't let yourself stress about the entire process, just focus on the next shot, the next monitoring appointment, the next procedure etc.  Also, join a support group either on the web or in person.  I made many friends through an RMA support group who I am still in touch with today.  

Oh and the shots seemed so scary at the time, but honestly were s not a big deal. I ended up giving the PIO shots to some of the women in my support group and honestly giving shots to others was much worse than giving them to myself.  

I will say, that lupron (if they even still use that?) totally sucked for me.  Triggered the most horrendous migraines, but I get migraines easily anyway, so you may not have any issues.  

Good luck!

My family is also an IVF success story (IRMS, not RMA).  We could not have asked for a better outcome, with beautiful twin girls, and, 6 years later, an amazing little boy.  

Carolanne gives great advice.  IVF is physically, emotionally and financially difficult and having a support system in place is invaluable.  I did not join a group, but I had several friends going through it at the same time, which made the process much more tolerable.  I would recommend to keep on exercising and doing all of the other things that make you happy.  If you focus on it too much infertility and IVF can consume your life, which, like anything, is not good for you physically or emotionally.

The shots aren't that bad (that's coming from a person who HATES needles), and I personally found acupuncture to be relaxing.  Even though it's an added expense, it made me feel like I was doing everything possible to increase the likelihood of success.  And as an added bonus it helped with some chronic back pain!  The acupuncturists I saw were not affiliated with IRMS.

Best of luck to you, and please feel free to PM me.  I'm more than happy to share more about my experience.

We are also a RMA family.     I was a huge wuss and terrified of anything medical related before starting down that road.  But the idea and hope of my own family outweighed my extreme fear.      I had my husband involved in the giving of the shots so that he felt included in the process.  It took the pressure off of me as much as possible (as I felt it was ALL on me), and made my husband feel like he was part of the process and not just a bystander.     At that point in my life I was not an active person, but I was encouraged to excercise (I was very overweight too).

Good luck and feel free to reach out if you need support! 

I also want to add, that I too did accupuncture (there was someone affiliated with RMA, not sure if that's still the case).  It helped me to relax a lot too.   I am now seeing another accupuncturist (not pregnancy related!), who is wonderful that I can give you her contact info if you decide to go that route as well. 

the laser acupuncture that they offered we found was useless and sort of a scam

terminator3 said:

the laser acupuncture that they offered we found was useless and sort of a scam

I did traditional acupuncture with my first IVF (my daughter) and the laser with my second (my son)

IRMS family here. I like Carolanne's advice. Definitely one step/one day at a time. It kinda takes over your life in a way, but try to keep as much normal as you can. I definitely bonded with some other women who had been thru it and they were a great source of support - but again, now we really never talk about it. The hardest part was just not knowing if and when it would ever work. It took time, but eventually it did for us. Nothing was horribly painful or uncomfortable. I went for some therapy with a woman LSCW who specialized in infertility. Really helpful. I found the IRMS message board super helpful, but IVF message boards in general to be horrid. 

Thank you all so much for posting or PM'ing me.  It really means a lot because, as you know, infertility can be a really isolating experience since no one wants to talk about it or admit to it.  I despise needles and hate getting my blood taken so I'm glad to hear the shots aren't so terrible.  I'll have my husband do it for me. I'm going to go with the laser acupuncture at RMA because at this point, what do I have to lose? 

With all the hormones in my system, will I go crazy?  My RE swears I will not.  Internet boards (I know, I know) claim I will.  

If you're willing to discuss, how many cycles did it take before you and/or your spouse/partner were pregnant?   

Lastly, any advice on how to handle pregnant women and baby showers?  I feel like I see pregnant women everywhere and handling baby showers is really hard on me.  Sort of like salt on a wound...

I did weekly acupuncture with Caroline radice here in Maplewood I was an RMA patient and found the real acupuncture more relaxing for me.  I credit those appointments with my twins born 2 weeks ago.  Caroline was great and would recommend her to anyone seeking acupuncture 

Perseverance said:

Thank you all so much for posting or PM'ing me.  It really means a lot because, as you know, infertility can be a really isolating experience since no one wants to talk about it or admit to it.  I despise needles and hate getting my blood taken so I'm glad to hear the shots aren't so terrible.  I'll have my husband do it for me. "> I'm going to go with the laser acupuncture at RMA because at this point, what do I have to lose? 

With all the hormones in my system, will I go crazy?  My RE swears I will not.  Internet boards (I know, I know) claim I will.  

If you're willing to discuss, how many cycles did it take before you and/or your spouse/partner were pregnant?   

Lastly, any advice on how to handle pregnant women and baby showers?  I feel like I see pregnant women everywhere and handling baby showers is really hard on me.  Sort of like salt on a wound...

I've always been a fairly open book about our IF struggles, and IVF journey.     My first IVF resulted in a miscarriage.  Which had nothing to do with the cycle itself as I had had a miscarriage after a natural pregnancy as well.   I also had no left over eggs, so we did another fresh cycle immediately after I got the all clear.   That cycle resulted in my daughter.    My send round for my son was a frozen embryo cycle, which took two cycles, but my body just wasn't ready as my daughter was only 6 months old when we went back to try for #2 (advanced age over here!)

I think my hormone instability (as my husband likes to call it) was worse with my second kid even though the process was less intense that time as I didn't have to stim for that cycle.    It was likely that way due to post partum pregnancy hormone considering how soon after my pregnancy we started again. 

As far as baby showers, I put on a brave face, but honestly it was so hard.  Especially, when I was going through the beginning stages of looking into IVF.   I had just had a miscarriage and my sister was nearing the end of her 1st pregnancy.   I was always very happy for my friends and never wanted them to feel uncomfortable around me.    But it's a personal choice, and if it's too hard for you, then just send a gift and card.   And never feel like you have to explain yourself!  xo

We did about 7 IUI cycles (because they couldnt' figure out why I wasn't getting pregnant, they were hoping this would work) and 1 failed IVF and then 2nd IVF worked.

I did NOT go totally crazy when I was on all the meds. Stressed out by it all, but nothing compared to other crappy things that have happened in life. 

Once you start talking with people about it, you'll find out just how many people have had help getting pregnant or tried and eventually adopted. It's been quite shocking to me over the years. In my case, and in many others I know, one partner wanted to talk with others about it but the other wanted it kept secret. One dear friend talked about it with me for years (knowing I'd been thru it) without her husband knowing. While I hated that, it was keeping her sanity. 

I remember seeing happy pregnant ladies everywhere. I also had a friend get pregnant in like a hot second when she knew I had been trying for years. She felt really badly telling me, which was sweet, but I was truly happy for her because I know and love her. I don't recall having to go to showers, but I imagine if it was a good friend, I'd suck it up. If it was a distant relative or work related, I would just skip.

I did one round of Clomid before moving realizing that I was wasting time with my OB and went right on to RMA.  Clomid made me a raving lunatic.  In comparison, the hormones of IVF were not so bad.  I got a little moody as we approached egg retrieval, but I think it was nerves and some discomfort.  My husband was so excited by how many eggs were developing and I remember telling him that when his testicles were the size of apples instead of walnuts, he was allowed to get excited.  

Oh, the progesterone shots were the only thing I remember being painful.  I iced the area before giving the shot and that really helped.  I would walk around with a bag of frozen peas in my waist band for about 10 minutes before shot time.  Not sure if protocols are still the same since my IVF "baby" is in high school now, but thought I would share just in case.  Feel free to PM if I can offer support in anyway.

I was very lucky, I got pg with the first cycle.  Lost one but the other is alive and well and begging me for dinner.  I think I had as many problems emotionally with women pg with twins and with twin babies for a long time after my first was born.  I was sooooo grateful for the one I had and knew how lucky I was, but yet I so envied the women with twins.  

In hindsight, I realize that all worked out as it should, but it was tough for awhile.  

I agree with Dandelion.  I would do my best with showers for closest friends/relatives.  If I was particularly fragile one day, I might bow out, but I would try my best to be there.  A friend gave birth to baby number 3 or 4 as I was going through IVF.  I was sooooo envious and am not proud of some of my behavior during that time.  Do what you can to take care of yourself now, but also to preserve friendships and your integrity for the future.  

We too were very, very lucky and could not have asked for a better outcome with IVF.  We first tried 3 rounds of IUI, one of which landed me in the ER with overstimulation and a burst cyst, before we moved on to IVF.  I think they retrieved 13 eggs, we chose to fertilize 3 (husband had very strong ethical concerns about having "leftover" embryos), and transferred 2, which gave us our twins.  We froze the third embryo, and six years later went back for a frozen cycle (no meds).  Our son (aka "frosty") was born last year. 

Carolanne is right, the progesterone shots can be painful, but ice helps.  And you probably will get bloated and be able to feel your ovaries during the stimulation part of the cycle, which is disconcerting and uncomfortable, but generally pretty tolerable (Unless you experience overstimulation, which will leave you vomiting in the street as your boss holds your hair and tries to get you on a train back to NJ.  Not cool.) 

Basically every woman I knew got pregnant or had a baby when we first started IVF.  Neighbors, co-workers, friends, random people on the train... all of them were having babies, except me.  I clearly remember hiding in my laundry room on Christmas Eve and crying hysterically because my sister-in-law had just called to tell us she was pregnant with her 4th child.  I was so angry that it was her and not me, and also mortified and ashamed to feel that way about someone I love.  It was completely *****ty, but I eventually got over it.  And my niece is awesome.

In general, I also tried to put on a happy face and power through the baby showers and bbqs with college friends and their massive broods, but every so often I had to say no and give myself a break.  It took a while to admit to myself that it was ok to do that, but it definitely saved my sanity a few times.  Those who know you well will understand and for the rest, like MichR said, you don't have to explain yourself.  Just RSVP no and send a gift.

My family is an RMA success story as well. 3rd try of IVF was a charm. My advice is take it one week at a time, rest, get your partner involved as much as possible and listen to the nurses and doctors, they really know their stuff. Its such a painful process on so many levels but I found that at least doing something gave me hope. I also experienced some sadness and envy when others got pregnant during this time in my life but tried to work through it and be happy for them. Sometimes I just needed to be home and alone. Good luck, remember none of this is your fault or due to stress, mental stuff, etc. it drove me crazy when people implied that relaxing might help. You'll figure out quickly who you can talk to and who you can't. Both of my IVF kids are totally healthy and normal. I know some people have expressed anxiety about that. 

Another successful RMA story here! Our almost 8 month old chunky, happy baby boy was well worth every single shot, early morning blood work/ultrasound, and general inconvenience of having to do IVF. Carolanne gives great advice. I took it day by day and refused to think about what was ahead. I found it really helped keep me from getting overwhelmed. 

We only did one round and were lucky enough to get pregnant with the one embryo we transferred on the first try. We also qualified for a trial that included genetic testing so I think that helped. 

I did not think the medications made me a lunatic, but some days were a little more emotional than others. On the bright side, I had no problem with pregnancy hormones afterwards! 

I also didn't think the shots were that bad. The progesterone in oil shots do suck but I think the anxiety of my husband giving me the shot made it worse. I watched a few YouTube videos and learned how to give them to myself halfway through! I even opted to keep doing the shots instead of the suppository they offered once I was pregnant. 

Best of luck to you. This can be a really stressful and overwhelming time so please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or concerns. I found that talking about your experience and hearing from others about theirs was very helpful and so did my husband. You'd be surprised at how many people are going through similar struggles! 

Great advice here. One thing I noticed: if your partner is giving you the shot, don't have him/her do it when he/she is in a bad mood--even if totally unrelated! No matter how gentle and careful you try to be, some of that anxiety/anger/whatever goes into your approach. I remember that clearly with the shots I gave others (friends whose partners just couldn't) as well. If I took a moment to sit quietly, listen to a song I loved, etc. I seemed to cause less discomfort. 

deborahg said:

Great advice here. One thing I noticed: if your partner is giving you the shot, don't have him/her do it when he/she is in a bad mood--even if totally unrelated! No matter how gentle and careful you try to be, some of that anxiety/anger/whatever goes into your approach. I remember that clearly with the shots I gave others (friends whose partners just couldn't) as well. If I took a moment to sit quietly, listen to a song I loved, etc. I seemed to cause less discomfort. 

Exactly why I taught myself. One bad jab on a bad day was all it took! 

Edited to add that we laugh about it now. It wasn't that bad but I'm a bit of a control freak sometimes I guess!

wallflower said:

deborahg said:

Great advice here. One thing I noticed: if your partner is giving you the shot, don't have him/her do it when he/she is in a bad mood--even if totally unrelated! No matter how gentle and careful you try to be, some of that anxiety/anger/whatever goes into your approach. I remember that clearly with the shots I gave others (friends whose partners just couldn't) as well. If I took a moment to sit quietly, listen to a song I loved, etc. I seemed to cause less discomfort. 

Exactly why I taught myself. One bad jab on a bad day was all it took! 

Edited to add that we laugh about it now. It wasn't that bad but I'm a bit of a control freak sometimes I guess!

ok I'll be the dissenter here. I was at RMA in NYC and it was a horrible experience. It was factory run and they ended up using all of my lifetime insurance allotment on an abandoned cycle. I ended up going to SIRM in NYC and had the opposite experience and am expecting my first in a few months. It was a smaller place and i felt like the nurses and docs actually knew who i was (imagine that!).

I can't speak to RMA in NJ - i can't imagine they couldn't be better than the NYC location. good luck.

I went to Cornell. Don't know RMA.

Thank you again for all of your help!  You all don't realize what a huge help you are because I'll go back to this thread when I start cycling.  

I've heard that bloating is a problem.  Must I resign myself to sweats and muumuus? In all seriousness, would it be a good idea to buy some work clothing that goes up a size?  I'd hate for people to suspect I'm pregnant when all it is are the fertility drugs.  

stepintosolids said:

wallflower said:

deborahg said:

Great advice here. One thing I noticed: if your partner is giving you the shot, don't have him/her do it when he/she is in a bad mood--even if totally unrelated! No matter how gentle and careful you try to be, some of that anxiety/anger/whatever goes into your approach. I remember that clearly with the shots I gave others (friends whose partners just couldn't) as well. If I took a moment to sit quietly, listen to a song I loved, etc. I seemed to cause less discomfort. 

Exactly why I taught myself. One bad jab on a bad day was all it took! 

Edited to add that we laugh about it now. It wasn't that bad but I'm a bit of a control freak sometimes I guess!

ok I'll be the dissenter here. I was at RMA in NYC and it was a horrible experience. It was factory run and they ended up using all of my lifetime insurance allotment on an abandoned cycle. I ended up going to SIRM in NYC and had the opposite experience and am expecting my first in a few months. It was a smaller place and i felt like the nurses and docs actually knew who i was (imagine that!).




I can't speak to RMA in NJ - i can't imagine they couldn't be better than the NYC location. good luck.

I'm sorry to hear your experience wasn't good but congratulations! So far I've found the staff at the Morristown office to be very nice and I was impressed with the doctor.  Hopefully my first impressions are correct!  

I didn't have bloating issues. I wouldn't worry about buying new clothes unless you have to. You've got this.. Keep your head up!