If you still think the Duggars aren't a bit "touched"...think again

They chose to take pictures of their miscarried child for the memorial.

From TMZ: The family from TLC's "19 Kids & Counting" chose a unique way to commemorate the life of their 20th child, who passed away this week in a miscarriage -- they took an artsy picture of the fetal corpse ... and distributed it at the memorial.

Jubilee Shalom Duggar was due in April ... but Michelle Duggar suffered a miscarriage on Sunday in her 2nd trimester.

The Duggars held a memorial today at their church in Arkansas, where they distributed the above photographs -- containing messages like, "There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world."

The photos were first posted on Twitter by a family member -- and then surfaced on a fan site.

Still think there's nothing wrong with this bunch?

http://www.tmz.com/2011/12/14/duggar-family-dead-baby/#.TulYNHNcIko

In general I think they're selfish and nuts, but on this topic they get a pass. I don't know what something like this would do to me.

Hoo boy!

ghoulish

wow..that's pretty sad. i think it's their way to grieve. Who are we to judge.

Good God, I am so sorry I clicked through :-(

This isn't as outlandish as you might think. Lots of people book photo sessions with their stillborn children. (I read a book about lost pregnancies when I miscarried at 13 weeks. The book was mostly about people that carried to full term, and it was a pretty common thing to do before the memorial.)

When photography started, one of the most common uses was to take pictures of dead children before they were buried. They are as heartbreaking as you could imagine.

Listen, I think they are total religious whackos, but I believe they are sincere. So I respect them for their passion and faith while completely disagreeing with them on every single religious belief.

ps: I didn't book a photo session and went on to have three healthy pregnancies.

Very upsetting photograph. Perhaps it's an anti-abortion message from them since they didn't keep it private.

RobB said:

In general I think they're selfish and nuts, but on this topic they get a pass. I don't know what something like this would do to me.

Agreed. I would never...but I respect that some would. And on something like this, I will not judge...

And it's not ghoulish or "artsy" or taking advantage that they took the pictures or even distributed them at a private event. It IS ghoulish and disgusting for TMZ and fan sites and message boards to share the images.

The Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep nonprofit organization does exactly that - take beautiful photographs of babies who have been stillborn or died very shortly after birth. Here is their link and they do provide an incredible service to grieving families who often have just a few hours of saying goodbye after never really getting to say hello.

http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/ (general warning: pictures are beautiful, but of a sensitive nature and of course very sad)

All of this said, the Duggars lost their baby at 20 weeks gestation. This was not a miscarriage, this was technically a stillbirth (despite the media's misrepresentation). I am no fan of the Duggars, but cannot imagine the pain they are feeling - her milk has most assuredly come in, she labored and delivered a fully-formed baby that she was only recently feeling move inside of her. Plus she's had millions of eyes watching and judging everything. As someone who lost two pregnancies - albeit, mine *were* miscarriages much earlier on in pregnancy - I cannot begin to understand the depth of their pain, and I will certainly not judge their actions at this time.

Holy Crappola jenz. I've never heard of that organizaion and can't decide if I'm glad or sad that I opened that. Thinking of donating photography services to that but unsure if I could handle that.

These photos were also obtained via other media outlets. TMZ was, perhaps, the first to post them. My media friend told me that TMZ more than likely, requested permission and/or paid for the use of these photos. Maybe not directly from a Duggar, but from someone who handles their media.

Thanks for sharing this, kibbegirl. What a beautiful story..a testament to babies unborn or not.

Jenz - beautiful post - and I would be less sceptical if the family had kept the photos private and grieved in private. But, as confirmed by kibbegirl, I can't help thinking that like everything else in their "Reality TV life", the public airing of the photos was financially motivated.

Jenz....beautiful.

Coincidentally, a close friend and I just had this very conversation with regards to her family and a loss that occurred (full term stillborn, last year). She received a birth announcement(ish) sort of thing with birth details and pictures. I believe they had used NILMDTS for pics. We discussed that we couldn't figure out how to feel about it. I guess it's so sad and painful that we had a very hard time wrapping our heads around it. I have no idea how I would feel if it had been me. Heartbreaking...

I am generally disgusted by the Duggars and their determination to fill every last inch of this planet with their offspring but, like others here, I would not presume to find fault with them in this unhappy moment.

A family member of mine lost a baby pretty far along and the hospital swaddled him and took a picture for her, and then had a memorial service in the hospital chapel a few weeks later. I think people need to grieve a loss like this, and this is a part that helps many people. I know she still keeps the picture - she's not whipping it out at Thanksgiving dinner or anything but will show it to you if you ask. How heartbreaking it would be to lose your baby and then never be able to see him again. So, I don't think it's abnormal.

When another family member of mine lost a baby years ago, I read a lot of literature and one theme that comes up over and over again is how isolated parents who have suffered miscarriages or stillborns feel, because people don't talk to them about it, or they say things like "oh you're young, you have plenty of time" or "it was meant to be" or whatever. I know people mean well and really don't know what to say. But it's a devastating loss for a family - it's their child, just like yours and mine who made it through ok. And to have no "acceptable" way to express it must be torture. So, for them to take a picture or have a memorial isn't, I don't think, ghoulish or weird or anything but a family finding a way to grieve and accept the loss of their child.

kriss said:

When another family member of mine lost a baby years ago, I read a lot of literature and one theme that comes up over and over again is how isolated parents who have suffered miscarriages or stillborns feel, because people don't talk to them about it, or they say things like "oh you're young, you have plenty of time" or "it was meant to be" or whatever.

Now that you mention it, a childhood friend of mine lost her baby a few years back. We haven't kept in touch, but my parents live nearby so they talked about it a few times. My mother got a very nice thank you card for "not pretending everything is okay, because it's not". Ugh, I can't even imagine.

Read what amie said.

She is 100% right on the history of those photos, and absolutely correct in her interpretation.

amie said:

It IS ghoulish and disgusting for TMZ and fan sites and message boards to share the images.

Agreed.

+1

I really have no issue with this. I know many cultures hang pictures of their dead relatives (not their corpses) in their living rooms and offer gifts to them. Some might see that as strange too.

Frankly, some might see our own wake rituals as fairly morbid as well.

I know I do.

While I think this is more of a private family moment, I am glad that things have shifted to allow parents to grieve a still born child. My mother lost 2 babies before I was born. One at a full term birth and one who was premature, but lived for a day or so. The hospital wouldn't discharge her until my father "took care of" the remains. My father ended up alone in a cemetery with a priest that was not of his belief system (my mom was catholic) and my mom alone on the maternity ward. That sounds so incredibly cruel to me. I think the photos were incredibly sad, but tasteful and I hope they help the Duggar's survive their grief.

http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/events/article/260/

My cousin just had to deliver her 8 month still born baby girl this week. She had a c-section scheduled for jan 29 (i.e. Birthday), a name, clothes, nursery, etc. all ready to go. It's devastating and unimaginable for our entire family to even begin to understand what she is going through-let alone judge her or her brother and mother for posting on fb what happened, setting up a fb page for support (including photos) and memorial service for her beautiful baby girl. I looked at the pictures from the Duggars and to me they are very tastefully done (no faces... just tiny feet and hands) and I'm sure they bring comfort to them in this extremely trying time. Maybe I am just too close to this right now but to judge anyone in their grieving process (no matter who or what the situation) is unfair. When my father died 10 years ago (when I was the ripe old age of 21) the best thing my psychologist told me was that there is no "one way" to grieve. We all grieve in our own way and there should be no shame in how our grief manifests itself. I have learned to be very tolerant of those who have suffered a great loss because of that advice.

lucy - I am so sorry for your cousin. It's unimaginable to me, the grief she must feel.

Thanks Pippi. I agree-I just can't begin to imagine what she is feeling (even not being a parent myself). So we just support whatever she needs to do to cope.

My issue(s) with this is the privacy of the matter. They have made themselves public domain and everything that is supposed to be private is now public. Those among us are allowed to grieve in whatever way is soothing, but when photos, selling of photos, etc. are involved, IMO, it takes away from the sanctity of what the grief was really about.