canceling a babysitting gig archived

I think it's really rude. As a mom to two small children I can't imagine treating a babysitter that way. I would never want to risk losing the services of a trustworthy babysitter. Unfortunately, there's probably nothing your daughter can do except not sit for those people again and let her friends know that whey did to her.

Jeez.

That stinks for sure. If you set up a sitter, you should follow through, barring sickness or similar emergency. If I were a sitter and some one canceled on me several times with the excuse that they "found someone else", I would probably never agree to babysit for them again and I would explain why. At a minimum, I would convey my displeasure with their cancellations.

I could use a babysitter sometimes...whisper me her info is she is interested.

It's not necessarily true that if she were an adult, she would be treated differently. I work 5 days week doing accounting now, but there was a time when I was full-time food service. People think very highly of themselves, and not so much about those who provide their services. I have done some waitressing this summer, and received some very poor treatment. I remember being a teen-ager, and there were times when I was not treated nicely. I used to think, if I was a grown-up, they wouldn't treat me that way...but, that is not the case. You only receive respect if you demand it. I would have considered telling my daughter to let them know how she felt...in the case of my daughter, she always did, and I was awed, impressed, and proud of her.

Gilora's response is on the mark. If she is contracted in future, there are two responses. certainly the hourly rate increases by a few $$ per hour. Secondly, if a better offer comes in before the time of the gig, I see no ethical problem with cancelling the commitment.

jerseyjack-I agree with the first part of your statement but not the second. Two wrongs do not make a right and what are you teaching your child if you encourage that???

Posted By: jerseyjackI see no ethical problem with cancelling the commitment.

I agree with bgs...I recall having to pass on more lucrative last-minute jobs as a teen because I was already booked. I think that's the right thing to do. (I suppose I could have raised my rates for the steady gig/plan ahead folks...)

Sorry, I agree with bgs and doula...it's about what you are, what you become, not what someone has done to you...and, a strong work ethic is something you learn...

Meggie, that is SPOT ON! I heard music when I read that...so true.

My daughter who baby sits has had that happen. Very inconsiderate. She did, in a polite way, say to them " If I'm going to babysit for you in the future, you need to tell me days in advance because I lost out on other jobs because of your cancellation" or something close to that.

Perhaps when talking to potential new clients, your daughter can negotiate a "kill fee" to cover late cancellations. Something like "my rate is $10 an hour ... and I'm sorry, but if there's a need for you to cancel less than 6 hours before the commitment, I'd have to ask for one hour, or $10, as a fee (to be tacked onto the next gig). It's not a punishment, just my services are valuable, and I have to give up other commitments to take yours."

Similar agreements exist in other industries, why not this one? If a potential sitter presented me with this option, I'd say, that's one mature, smart kid and she's probably also mature and smart when taking care of kids ....

If new clients don't agree, they're basically admitting they consider the need to cancel at last minute to be important to them, so why bother with them?

No one likes to cancel on a babysitter, but I would probably shy away from a sitter who demanded a cancellation fee. Things happen, especially with small kids. I babysat for most of my adolescence and it was something that just came with the territory. If you treat your sitter with respect and pay her/him well, then a cancellation once in a while isn't such a big deal. My sitter has always been more than understanding if we need to cancel, and we have been the same when she has gotten ill, or forgotten about a big upcoming exam, or has run late. If a family cancels too often for your daughter, then she reserves the right not to accept any more of their job offers.

Thanks for all your comments, folks.

newtomaplewood, as I mentioned, one of the clients canceled not because her plans changed but because she found someone else to do the job! Some people!

That is obnoxious. How old is your daughter? If you think she's up to it, you might recommend that if it happens again (that the job is not cancelled, but rather she is replaced) that she be forthright and ask why. There really is no acceptable excuse, but it could help your daughter decide if she'd ever accept a job from them again. At the very least, the family cancelling might feel embarrassed.

i think that if those folks (the ones who canceled because they found someone else) call her again, she should politely explain that because of their history of canceling, they'll need to put down a non-refundable deposit for her time for the future. if they balk (they probably will), she's probably better off without them. if they pay it, it likely means they realize they handled things poorly before and are willing to make amends.

I agree with Newtomaplewood -- the key question is WHY the clients dropped your daughter in favor of someone else (i.e., why was she essentially a second choice?) For example, is your daughter relatively young for a babysitter and perhaps they found someone older? Do they have a regular/favorite babysitter who might have been unavailable at first but later became available? Or is it possible that maybe the kids weren't thrilled once they heard who the babysitter would be (they definitely have opinions!) and asked for a substitute?

I'm not saying that any of these reasons justify a last minute cancellation. It's one thing if the parents' plans changed, especially if it was something beyond their control (like a sick kid) -- but it's something else entirely to break a commitment because "something better came along." Still, if your daughter wants to succeed in the babysitting "business," it might be valuable (if uncomfortable) to listen to her customers' feedback and consider whether she wants to make any adjustments.

I think commuter mom said it very well. The feedback is important, if possibly embarrassing for your daughter. Well worth hearing the reason why, exactly, she was cancelled from each commitment. If she was booked and then someone cheaper came along, I call that being ''better offered'' , iow, the hiring family took what they felt was the better offer, despite the fact that it meant cancelling someone already under contract.

It's rude, it's unethical, it's not something anyone would ever want done to them.

If someone cancelled a babysitter at the last minute, s/he should tip the sitter. Heavily!

The positive upswing of controversy is resolution: perhaps your daughter will be brave enough and motivated enough to speak to those who wronged her if you offer to accompany her. You can be a silent supporter, perhaps. Just a thought. Certainly your daughter will feel self-empowerment and confidence if she is able to face this situation and bring it to a satisfactory conclusion. She was victimized by these people. They betrayed her trust, in a way. And took advantage of her. I'd like to read a post in which you tell us she stood up to these folks. Time for them to have a reality check! A trustworthy sitter is a valuable commodity!

Stuff happens and sometimes people are not fair... Life lesson for your daughter.
Now it is her choice to never babysit for those inconsiderate people again.

The only thing that matters is that a parent makes a commitment, the sitter agrees to it and possibly declines other work, and then the parent cancels, leaving the sitter with nothing. When my kids were little, if I had to cancel, I always paid for the entire period the sitter would have been here. It mattered not at all whether she had actually given up other work - what matters is that she might have. It's dishonest and unfair not to pay for her time. My daughter was in a situation like this at one point, and was just too polite to say something to the parent. Sometimes kids don't feel they should challenge the adult for fear of risking losing future work.

I have a friend who walks dogs. Before he agrees to work for anyone he gives them a rate card. The rate card states on it that there is a 50% kill fee if the job is canceled 12 hours prior. He tells them that when he makes a commitment to do a job for them, he is giving up the chance to do a job for someone else.

If they don't agree to this in principal, then he thanks them kindly and walks away. Most do, and adhere to it although it isn't legally binding.

I like commutermom's idea of speaking with the people, with the addition of critterlover's suggestion that you go with her when she has that discussion. Your presence might well enhance the directness/truthfulness of the response she gets...since we all know how often adults "duck" having to share harder truths (as an example, just think of all the absurd things both men and women say to one another when they don't want to pursue a dating relationship). At the same time, she'll then have to be prepared to hear what's said...and it might be legitimately critical of her or just disappointing. But I must say I don't have the highest hopes for this discussion (on the part of the employers), since they've behaved less than maturely so far. Sigh.

It's very incosiderate, however it is possible that the person they found to do the job was a relative that was not going to charge her.

I'm sorry that happened to your daughter, but I remember it happening to me many times (more than 35 years ago).

I don't know May Pull Wood or their daughter, but in the original post it was mentioned that several clients did this, not just one or two. Is it possible that the families involved are unhappy with the baby sitting services being rendered by the girl?

This has been happening to my daughters, too! Both of them babysit. My 16 year old had a gig lined up for Saturday. On Friday afternoon, she sent a message to the client, just to confirm the time. The message back from the client was something like, "my sister is here on a surprise visit so I'm cancelling. sorry!"

Whoa! She's canceling in response to a confirmation message? She would have forgotten without the reminder? Or even worse, she was going to cancel an hour or two before the appointed time! Very poor form in my view.

My daughters are pretty fed up. I have advised them to warn clients from now on that there will be a cancellation fee, and they're going to do it. It's hard for them, because to them, they feel like jerks, talking like that. But I try to assure them that business is business and there's nothing wrong with stating what the deal is up front. Frankly, they're scared, but they're also fed up with this. Is this an epidemic or something?

The only time I've cancelled a sitter just because I found someone else, the situation was this:

The sitter we use most frequently had referred us to a friend of hers for a night she couldn't sit for us. Then it turned out the regular sitter could do it, so I called sitter #2 as soon as I heard this and cancelled. I was polite and apologetic, and felt awkward about it, but explained why (the fact that I preferred to use someone my toddler knew well.)

Does that sound bad?

Cancelling happens, because plans change, but I can't think of any reason why it would be getting more common. Actually there are so many little kids in this town that I always wonder how there are enough babysitters to go around.

I don't like the cancellation fee idea at all. And I would be totally put off by it. I do agree with other posters who mentioned asking (gently) about the reason for cancellations, especially since it happens to be an ongoing problem. Why are they canceling for someone else? Yes, it could be a money issue and it could be kid preference, but there are other things to consider as well. I have a few sitters I use on a regular basis. My kids happen to like them all but I have my favorites based on who cleans up, gets the kids to bed on time, etc. I've come home to a wrecked house and a kitchen with dirty dishes everywhere....and young kids awake after 11pm on a school night! That annoys the heck out of me! Of course I don't expect them to clean, but if the kids make a mess or they cook dinner while they are at the house, I expect dishes in the dishwasher at a minimum and toys picked up. And put the kids to bed!

Anyway, if she really wants to know why they are canceling, I'd recommend asking. But she has to be ready for what she might hear.

I had a sitter, my next door neighbor in fact, leave a message on my voicemail, which I heard one hour before I was to go out, to tell me she had a previous commitment to babysit for someone else that she had forgotten about when she agreed to sit for me a week earlier.

I never called her to babysit after that, because I need to have sitters I can rely on.

IMO, your daughter should chaulk it up to experience and not agree to sit for them in the future. She needs to have employers she can rely on.

What goes around comes around.

Yeah, I've had a sitter give me only hours of notice before cancelling too. That was inconvenient.

I think that's horrible to bail out on your sitter, especially because you got another sitter!!! What kind of a person would do that?

I will add on to what PDG just wrote, and that is that I have much more often had the shoe on the other foot. A few weeks back we had tickets to a concert at the Pru Center in Newark. Expensive tickets. We don't go to concerts very often. And a sitter calls two hours before and says she can't make it. My wife says "You WHAT? We paid for these expensive seats and you're telling me two hours beforehand that you can't make it? Are you KIDDING me?" The girl said she would make some calls to change plans and then get back to us. In 10 minutes she called back and said she would, indeed, sit for us. I personally think that she thought she could get out of it and then when confronted with what a major problem she was causing, she realized she should stick to her commitments.