Can I See Your Manager

It's supposed to be an insult, used almost exclusively against women. "You know, she's one of those 'can I see your manager' types." I don't get what the insult is, I'm supposed to be embarrassed because I'm willing to stand up and expect the services and goods I have paid for? If someone makes the wrong order, screws up my account, or messes up a transaction in some way I'm supposed to meekly sit by and do nothing so as not to appear difficult? THAT would be more embarrassing to me, becoming a doormat so as not to make a stink.

So yes, I will ask to see the manager if something wasn't done right and can't be fixed to my satisfaction. And like millions of men who have asked to see a manager without ridicule, I also will do so without the slightest hint of embarrassment.

FWIW, I do so all the time, whether praising or commenting for improvement. And I tell them if I'm going to leave online feedback, so they can have a face to go with the comment.

Stay strong!

It's rare that I pull my "Can I see your manager?" card but when I have, it's much like what @spontaneous described. The person(s) trying to fix the issue cannot. They'd rather leave it unsolved than to ask for assistance, so consumers must ask for assistance -- from someone higher up who may be able to help.

Polite, calm, and insistent.

My beef with the "Can I see your manager" insult is that it is used almost exclusively against women. I've worked many different jobs. I've had people ask to speak with my manager/supervisor. Some are polite, some are nasty. But there is no one type. They've been old, young, male, female, and any race. But look up the phrase, it is almost always described as a woman.

And it isn't just asking to see the manager, even complaints are verboten for women. If a man speaks up it is fine, but a woman is considered demanding if she asks for something to be addressed.

When my first child was born my FIL actually asked the nurse to take the baby back to the nursery because he decided they hadn't cleaned him up well enough. FIL even pointed out the tiniest bit of vernix behind one ear as proof. I was mortified, but he felt no shame in declaring that they hadn't washed him well enough the first time. Thankfully the nurse refused, politely but firmly.

However, two years later we were at a restaurant, my husband and FIL ordered their steaks rare, I had ordered mine medium. Mine came out rarer than both my husband's and FIL's steaks, NOT medium (google "blue steak" and you'll see a good approximation of the steak). My FIL didn't want me to say anything, he said to just try my best to eat it as is, not to "make a scene." I didn't make a scene, I am not that type of person, I simply told the waiter that I had ordered the steak medium and that it was under cooked, could they cook it medium please. The same guy who felt that it was fine to tell a nurse that she needed to take a baby back to the nursery to re-wash him was mortified that I would dare ask the waiter to take my steak back to the kitchen rather than just shut up and eat an almost raw steak.

Working retail sucks, I get it. I worked as a cashier in a liquor store, and also as a cashier in a grocery store. People complain, some legitimately but some are just being difficult. But when a phrase such as "she's the 'can I see your manager' type" is used only to describe women then let's be honest that it isn't being used to describe a behavior, but is rather an attack based on the gender of the person. Not cool.

"he's a 'don't you know who I am?' kind of guy" would be an insult used toward a man.

I am not following the insult part. I have never heard the phrase "she's the can I see the manager type". I've never heard it be a negative thing against women. There are many people who'd rather not make waves or complain about anything and there are people who take it too far and complain about everything. Then there are people in between who aren't afraid to speak up when needed. I've never heard any gender assignment to any of these roles.

I have to admit I have never thought of that as a phrase aimed only at women. I ask to see the manager when something is wrong with the process or service and its as often a man on the other end as a woman. Maybe your experience has more to do with the fact that there are more women in customer service?

Guess you guys don't do reddit.

Now I am confused. Please connect the dots.

spontaneous said:

Guess you guys don't do reddit.

I looked up the phrase on google and number one hit was this thread.

I got nothing on reddit for it.

This is not exactly on topic but you should always send back your order in a restaurant i it is not the way you ordered it or otherwise not to your satisfaction. Any decent restaurant would want you to do that because they want your repeat business and your recommendations to others. By apologizing and making every effort to satisfy you they help themselves.

It's been rare that during those times of asking to see a manager, the manager was a female. Also, the waitstaff were mainly men.

The time that sticks out the most was my horror story at Cuban Pete's a few years back when I found a roach in my paella! Mr. K and I stayed quiet as not to rattle the kids and other patrons. Mr. K got up from the table and asked to see the manager because the waiter had the balls to tell me that it was "a shrimp." He was very adamant that it was seafood that I dared him to effing eat it. He didn't. The manager was an a-hole and of no help. He was piss poor in training and had this overwhelmed attitude.

I called the Health Department the next day and filed a complaint. Said I was one of MANY who have had similar complaints at Pete's.

One time when asking for the manager didn't help at all.

Cuban Pete's is one of the worst places on earth.

mjh said:

Polite, calm, and insistent.

This is good advice but I think it depends upon the circumstances. Sometimes polite, calm, and insistent can = doormat. Sadly, sometimes the only way to get people to listen is to shame them especially the repeat offenders.

spontaneous said:

Guess you guys don't do reddit.

No. And most times when I ask to speak with a manager, it's with a help desk. I could care less who is on the line-- I just want a Level II.

I'm finding this thread instructive : thanks.

Here, I don't believe there's gender bias when complaints are raised unless the industry sector itself has the gender bias. In which case it's an unfortunate side-effect. The managerial level doesn't help the debate though, most of the effective 'next level' managers are female in hospitality, and fairly evenly divided in other sectors. It's higher levels of management where women seem to miss out, here.

I've noticed that a lot of people over the age of mid-30s don't want to complain about meals not being right because they believe the food is taken back, spat on or otherwise mistreated, tizzied up then represented.