Need ideas for elderly mother

So sorry to hear these developments.  I wish you only the best going forward.  

conandrob240 said:
I am really sorry to read this. 


I understand the lack of desire to be distant landlords. 


Honestly, I wouldn’t discuss this with him at all. I’d let him believe you’ll do exactly as he wants with the house so he can leave peacefully when it’s time. Then you’ll do whatever you think is in the best interest of the asset you are managing for your boys.

 That works if his desired outcome is not legally formalized.

you can’t legally bind someone to not sell a house. The only way you could do that is if he set up a fund to pay all the current and future expenses on the house. 

Thanks for the comments. I’m going to let him think his wishes will be fulfilled and determine what to do when the time comes which will probably be to sell the house and just manage the funds. When we were reviewing the documents before he signed them it was clear that I’m not legally bound to “save” the house for the boys. Selling is definitely an option, but I’m not going to try to get him to see his wishes aren’t reasonable. It’s futile and I don’t want him to spend his remaining time worried or angry or trying to find a legal means to prevent me from selling in the future if needed. I know my boys don’t want the house and using the funds in the future to make a down payment on their own house, or pay off student debt, is a tremendous gift from an uncle who loved them like they were his own.

An update after another year has passed. My brother gave his appendix cancer a very tough fight. He was determined to beat it and I don’t think he ever gave up fighting but I was able to care for him with hospice support for his last two weeks in his home in May. I rehomed his many animals quickly, hired a neighbor/friend as a caretaker for the house, moved valuables into a storage unit and then took a month to recover. The last month was spent dealing with the probate court and it hasn’t been too bad closing accounts and dealing with paperwork. 

But the house!! I hired an inspector to look at everything and it is indeed a hot mess. Foundation cracking all over, vigas rotting, plumbing and all appliances/systems need replacing. An enormous tamarisk tree split and fell so I had all of the trees on the property inspected and the estimate for trimming and removal is almost $9000. Not sure the house can be saved without a serious investment - meeting with a structural engineer next month. This is was happens when you ignore basic maintenance and updates for decades. 

On the plus side, my brother did not have any credit card debt, but his life insurance and retirement savings was minimal. He did not give me passwords for his accounts (nor did he do this for his job as an IT manager) because I really don’t think he thought he was going to die. Luckily he gave me a clue to his password system, his phone code and I was able to get into his primary email acct (phew) and that helped enormously. I’m nervous about canceling his phone!

Lots of decisions to make about the house/property. I’d like to keep it for my boys whose trusts will have joint tenancy that will transfer to them in about 10 years. But I don’t want to just spends down the cash in the account for 10 years either. Not a great situation. Family pressure to save at least the property for them. 

NizhoniGrrrl said:

An update after another year has passed. My brother gave his appendix cancer a very tough fight. He was determined to beat it and I don’t think he ever gave up fighting but I was able to care for him with hospice support for his last two weeks in his home in May. I rehomed his many animals quickly, hired a neighbor/friend as a caretaker for the house, moved valuables into a storage unit and then took a month to recover. The last month was spent dealing with the probate court and it hasn’t been too bad closing accounts and dealing with paperwork. 

But the house!! I hired an inspector to look at everything and it is indeed a hot mess. Foundation cracking all over, vigas rotting, plumbing and all appliances/systems need replacing. An enormous tamarisk tree split and fell so I had all of the trees on the property inspected and the estimate for trimming and removal is almost $9000. Not sure the house can be saved without a serious investment - meeting with a structural engineer next month. This is was happens when you ignore basic maintenance and updates for decades. 

On the plus side, my brother did not have any credit card debt, but his life insurance and retirement savings was minimal. He did not give me passwords for his accounts (nor did he do this for his job as an IT manager) because I really don’t think he thought he was going to die. Luckily he gave me a clue to his password system, his phone code and I was able to get into his primary email acct (phew) and that helped enormously. I’m nervous about canceling his phone!

Lots of decisions to make about the house/property. I’d like to keep it for my boys whose trusts will have joint tenancy that will transfer to them in about 10 years. But I don’t want to just spends down the cash in the account for 10 years either. Not a great situation. Family pressure to save at least the property for them. 

 Wow. You've been through a lot. Sorry about it all.

Can you see any purpose to putting lots of money into repair of the house? How long before it would be recovered? Would it even ever be recovered? The economic effects of C-19 will not be realized for another year or so. Landlords all over the country are facing non-payment of rents. Would you be looking at renting to a tenant who lost his last living space for non-payment?

Meanwhile, you're paying property tax while repair is ongoing.

Then there is the stress of supervising the repairs and so forth. Would you do this while you are in N.J. ?  You will get phone calls from contractors about decisions that will be made while you are trying to remember what "it" looked like... or decide from a text photo.

I guess you can figure where my thoughts are leading. Cut your losses and unload the property. You will sleep better at night.

Then there is the sentimental value of the property. That is a heavy tug on your heartstrings but it is not worth your health worrying about it. And from your last post, there will be a lot of worry.

Good luck on whatever route you choose.

My cousin would like to retire there and we thought it would be a perfect solution. She’s lived in the house before (80s) and would be happy to rent from us. It would keep it in the family. However I refuse to be a slumlord and it sounds like there are serious safety issues.  So unless we can recoup the cost of repairs through 10 years of rent, I’d be a bad trustee managing the assets. More to come...

Also taxes are cheap. Less than $2000 per year for an acre and the house. 

NizhoniGrrrl said:

My cousin would like to retire there and we thought it would be a perfect solution. She’s lived in the house before (80s) and would be happy to rent from us. It would keep it in the family. However I refuse to be a slumlord and it sounds like there are serious safety issues.  So unless we can recoup the cost of repairs through 10 years of rent, I’d be a bad trustee managing the assets. More to come...

Also taxes are cheap. Less than $2000 per year for an acre and the house. 

 That improves the picture. How old is the cousin and how secure is her income?

Since it becomes an income property, you may be able to depreciate the house for tax purposes. You would probably need an appraisal done in order to take advantage. It may be a good idea to have that anyway, before you make repairs....if repairs are the decision you make.

So sorry to hear about this update. I can’t remember if you said where the house is located. 

House is in Albuquerque and my cousin is now 61 and would move (from Phoenix) when we’re ready. She’s already semi retired and will have a good nest egg when she sells her house there. Here’s a photo of the place.