More nonsense in the MMS hallways

suzyc said:

There are cameras in the school.

And I'm sure the miscreants know where they are and how to avoid their gaze. I can't imagine the entire school is blanketed with surveillance cameras.

Do they capture audio or just video?

Kids who misbehave like this are pretty adept at finding ways to do it outside of adult surveillance. Although it's amazing from cleg's description if the boys are following them in the hallways.

I hate stories like this one. Girls and women should be able to live their lives in school, on the street, at work, wherever without fear of being sexually harassed. I have a 6-year-old girl and it seems to me that sexism and misogyny is a growing problem, even though we're here in the 21st century. When I hear about this behavior in teenagers I am dismayed ... the problem just keeps perpetuating itself. These kids are hearing this somewhere and repeating the behavior.

Have you considered attending a BOE meeting with your daughter (and maybe some of the other victims) and having them address the board about this problem during the open comment section as a first step? If there were a few young women who were willing to stand up and describe their experiences in front of the Board, in a recorded public meeting, maybe that puts the school administration and community on notice. I think as others have noted above that the next step would be contacting an attorney or one of the specialty organizations to begin a formal process seeking remediation of the problem. I can see reversing the order of either of those steps, and some place like Garden State Equality is a lot more qualified to dispense advice than anyone here.

I'm not sure involving the police at this stage is a good idea. I understand these actions can lead to criminal charges. But I don't think the police making arrests of juveniles will necessarily help improve the atmosphere which gives rise to this kind of behavior. A 14-year-old boy is more likely to develop an even more poisonous sexist mindset if they get arrested on the word of a classmate. If there's a chance to correct the behavior without criminal charges, I think that's in everyone's best interest.

I frankly don't give a crap about reducing the suspension rate. If kids are doing this, they should be suspended. I have two girls and can only imagine how utterly livid I would be if this happened to them.

This would be a criminal act in the public sphere and it's really sending the wrong message that girls are better off in any random public space than in school.

I would NOT take the victim(s) to "testify" publicly to the BOE about their harassment. (That sort of thing should not be expected of ANY victim of harrassment and least of all at middle school age.)

Agree with both Sac and AfA. Make an appointment now with the super and indicate what is going on. Be prepared to provide what steps you took in previous complaint and what response was. Have emails etc and be specific in new more recent incident . Who was there , what time it occurred what hallway . What adults were around and who was told. It will be escalated up to the anti bullying specialist who is the district council if you do this. It should have been handled upon your first complaint but now you go in demanding action.

Well, okay. I'm kind of just think "out loud" here about ways to get a higher level reaction to this problem. A public appeal to the governing body of the district seemed like it might produce results. In the back of my mind I have images of people testifying before congress about human rights or other issues.

This is a serious problem which needs institution-wide engagement.

mrincredible said:

suzyc said:

There are cameras in the school.

And I'm sure the miscreants know where they are and how to avoid their gaze. I can't imagine the entire school is blanketed with surveillance cameras.

Do they capture audio or just video?

Kids who misbehave like this are pretty adept at finding ways to do it outside of adult surveillance. Although it's amazing from cleg's description if the boys are following them in the hallways.

I hate stories like this one. Girls and women should be able to live their lives in school, on the street, at work, wherever without fear of being sexually harassed. I have a 6-year-old girl and it seems to me that sexism and misogyny is a growing problem, even though we're here in the 21st century. When I hear about this behavior in teenagers I am dismayed ... the problem just keeps perpetuating itself. These kids are hearing this somewhere and repeating the behavior.

Have you considered attending a BOE meeting with your daughter (and maybe some of the other victims) and having them address the board about this problem during the open comment section as a first step? If there were a few young women who were willing to stand up and describe their experiences in front of the Board, in a recorded public meeting, maybe that puts the school administration and community on notice. I think as others have noted above that the next step would be contacting an attorney or one of the specialty organizations to begin a formal process seeking remediation of the problem. I can see reversing the order of either of those steps, and some place like Garden State Equality is a lot more qualified to dispense advice than anyone here.

I'm not sure involving the police at this stage is a good idea. I understand these actions can lead to criminal charges. But I don't think the police making arrests of juveniles will necessarily help improve the atmosphere which gives rise to this kind of behavior. A 14-year-old boy is more likely to develop an even more poisonous sexist mindset if they get arrested on the word of a classmate. If there's a chance to correct the behavior without criminal charges, I think that's in everyone's best interest.

Your views are fair, but forcing a young person to stand up in front of a room full of strangers to make her case for justice and in essence plead for it to a group of well-intentioned but unempowered individuals with concerns beyond just her well being is a bad way to go.

We have 2 parents posting nearly identical stories, with nearly identical reactions, with nearly identical (non) results. That sounds to me like there may be a concerted effort to squash these complaints. One could assume why, and likely include a mandate focused on reducing suspensions as a reason.

Specific to your comments on harming an offender- it is NOT for administrators to determine what the proper corrective course is for the harassers and assaulters. They are singularly incapable of determining what is right, and given the aforementioned conflicts mentioned, they should, and legally are obligated, FOR THIS VERY REASON, to refer criminal activity to the legal system, which IS responsible for determining the proper course of action, be it rehabilitative, protective of others, or punitive.

They are also putting women at risk by not acting. If no one disciplines them why stop? Maybe even take it a bit further.

mjh said:

knowlton said:

dg64
Curious why you don't think parents should be called?

That's a role for the school, not the parent of the bullied child.

This.

tjohn said:

If I knew the parents and knew the kids, I might discuss with the parents. Otherwise, I would not.

This would depend on how well you know the parents and the nature of the bullying.

sac said:

I would NOT take the victim(s) to "testify" publicly to the BOE about their harassment. (That sort of thing should not be expected of ANY victim of harrassment and least of all at middle school age.)

Agree.

mod said:

Agree with both Sac and AfA. Make an appointment now with the super and indicate what is going on. Be prepared to provide what steps you took in previous complaint and what response was. Have emails etc and be specific in new more recent incident . Who was there , what time it occurred what hallway . What adults were around and who was told. It will be escalated up to the anti bullying specialist who is the district council if you do this. It should have been handled upon your first complaint but now you go in demanding action.

Each school has their own HIB person. This person will/should be the first person who should be involved in the process.

I can't fathom what happened on MOL the first time you raised this but I am sure glad you came back! Lots of good advice above. Force the school to deal with this immediately. This is what your kid needs you to do. And what other kids need as well. What other support do you need from us?

I'm surprised the reaction was so lax. The new principal seems intent on discipline. I would get the names of the boys, and then meet with the principal in person and demand action. Its inexcusable behavior, and should be punished.

So screwed up that the victims -- children -- have to be the burden of proof on them.

Who is the HIB person at MMS - Anyone know? Thanks Dg64.

As an aside, my daughter was bullied (continuous awful crank calls from someone) while at tuscan, and the school not only contacted the family of the child, they also called the police in and filed a report. They took it extremely seriously, and it stopped immediately. This is even more serious and should be dealt with appropriately.

Good to hear, Doris!

http://www.state.nj.us/education/students/safety/behavior/hib/hibassistance.shtml

The above lays out the steps in making a sexual harassment complaint. Please document everything -- begin by starting a diary of your phone conversations. Given how endemic this behavior is in our culture, I'm surprised that the school does not have a program in place to teach boys proper conduct with regard to sexuality. I looked for a social services organization that specializes in sexual harassment issues, and all I've found is the NJ Coalition Against Sexual Assault: http://njcasa.org which has a partner organization in Essex County called SAVE: http://www.familyserviceleague.org/save Perhaps someone at one of these organizations give you some support and guidance. To both parents whose daughters are experiencing this harassment -- I'm so sorry you and your daughters have to had to deal with this inexcusable behavior.

This is from the school website:
South Orange/Maplewood School District
525 Academy Street
Maplewood, NJ 07040

For concerns about harassment, intimidation and/or bullying:

District Anti-Bullying Coordinator: Phil Stern, In-House Counsel
Tel: (973) 762-5600, Ext. 1849
Fax: (973) 378-9464

Email: pstern@somsd.k12.nj.us
PDFPolicy 5512 Harassment, Intimidation and Bullying (HIB)

Code of Conduct
SOMSD Code of Conduct


MS WordForm to Report Allegations of Harassment, Intimidation, Bullying

Anti-Bullying Bill of Rights Act - Training for Parents (PowerPoint Presentation)

Board of Education Policy Manual

http://www.somsd.k12.nj.us/Page/399

All right, consider my run for Board of Education over.

cleg, there's lots of good information posted to this thread, none of it in any of my posts.

mod said:

Who is the HIB person at MMS - Anyone know? Thanks Dg64.

It used to be the social worker. But right now, the Anti-Bullying Policy tab comes up blank on the MMS website. This is where they are supposed to state the name of the HIB person and the process for filing a complaint.

Jackson_Fusion said:

Specific to your comments on harming an offender- it is NOT for administrators to determine what the proper corrective course is for the harassers and assaulters. They are singularly incapable of determining what is right, and given the aforementioned conflicts mentioned, they should, and legally are obligated, FOR THIS VERY REASON, to refer criminal activity to the legal system, which IS responsible for determining the proper course of action, be it rehabilitative, protective of others, or punitive.

Are you sure this is correct? Title IX requires schools to investigate sexual harassment and rape, but isn't the point of contention on college campuses, for example, their leeway to handle the cases on their own without reporting them to the criminal authorities?

I would write to/call Jim Memoli, acting Super. More responsive than many administrators in this distric. Seriously this info should not be missing on website.

Just as an aside and because this is a serious issue, a lot of the links are broken on the Anti Bullying pages of the district website and the link on the front page of the MMS website does not work at all. Really, whose job is it to update and keep this stuff working.?

mrincredible said:

All right, consider my run for Board of Education over.

cleg, there's lots of good information posted to this thread, none of it in any of my posts.

On the contrary. I think your suggestions are well reasoned and come from a good place. The only deficiency is that you are a little less jaded in regards to the intentions of others- you believe people will do the right thing for no other reason than the fact that it is the right thing. Good people often can believe no other course of action and it speaks well of you.

The only issue is the demonstrated (according to several posters) unwillingness to act on behalf of victimized students by people who have an obligation to do so. Once that becomes evident it's time to move to plan b- finding someone who will act.

Edit:

DaveSchmidt said:

Jackson_Fusion said:

Specific to your comments on harming an offender- it is NOT for administrators to determine what the proper corrective course is for the harassers and assaulters. They are singularly incapable of determining what is right, and given the aforementioned conflicts mentioned, they should, and legally are obligated, FOR THIS VERY REASON, to refer criminal activity to the legal system, which IS responsible for determining the proper course of action, be it rehabilitative, protective of others, or punitive.

Are you sure this is correct? Title IX requires schools to investigate sexual harassment and rape, but isn't the point of contention on college campuses, for example, their leeway to handle the cases on their own without reporting them to the criminal authorities?

Title IX is federal. I linked the appropriate NJ info in an earlier post.

There have been school personnel whacked with official misconduct for not reporting an accusation of sexual misconduct that was found to be false.

It's not the crime, as they say.....

Jackson_Fusion said:

Title IX is federal. I linked the appropriate NJ info in an earlier post.

Yes, you did, even reiterating, and still I read right past it. My apologies, and thanks.

knowlton said:

I'm say call the parent of the kids who are doing the bullying. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

and then get "Oh, no, not my little darlings". Call the cops and a lawyer!

+1000 what Jackson Fusion has said here throughout.

OP, The Village Green would be happy to look into this. You can contact us at villagegreennj@gmail.com.

marymann said:

OP, The Village Green would be happy to look into this. You can contact us at villagegreennj@gmail.com.

http://youtu.be/uvqJ1mTkEuY

Read the following "Dear Colleague" guidance letter from the federal dep't of education on the obligations of schools to address complaints of sexual harassment:

http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/qa-201404-title-ix.pdf

This in addition to the recommendations of others to consider the NJ Anti-Bullying Statute.

I don't know what the best course for cleg and her daughter is, but I think talking directly to the kids' parents should be on the table. It can be a school matter, a legal matter, or a personal matter, depending on what they think will work best. The kids' parents may be horrified to hear of the behavior and ready to take direct action. No guarantees of course, but one would hope this is true.